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Beautiful Bastard Moistens Panties With LEAKED 1st Chapter! Read SEXY Twilight Inspired Intro HERE!

| Filed under: Zac EfronTwilightRobert PattinsonKristen StewartBookz50 Shades Of Grey


Move over 50 Shades of Grey!

Soccer moms have more Twilight-inspired erotica to choose from than ever before!

Christina Lauren's Beautiful Bastard, a devilishly depraved cross between a hardcore porn and a very special episode of The Office, is hitting bookshelves next week and the publisher just released the entire first chapter for us fetish-friendly fiends to feast on!!

We skimmed through the first 18 pages, and you won't believe what happens!!

The naughty novel opens…

"My father always said the way to learn the job you want is to spend every second watching someone do it.

'To get the job at the top, you’ve got to start at the bottom,' he told me."

And here we thought tops were born that way, LOLz!!

Our protagonist begins describing her boss, the Beautiful Bastard himself, Mr. Bennett Ryan:

"My stomach clenched tightly at the thought of him: tall, gorgeous, and entirely evil. He was the most selfrighteous, pompous prick I’d ever met."

Wait, what!?

It's page one and already we're talking about pricks! WE LOVE THIS BOOK!

Also… "selfrighteous"?

A clever new word invented by the author or a typo kept in for authenticity's sake? You decide!!

Moving on… How does Mr. Ryan taste?

"Grumpy… Too bad for me he didn’t come in any other flavor."

Oh, gurl!! You really are green to the scene!

Force him to eat a whole pineapple next time beforehand!! His juices will run MUCH sweeter!

More importantly than the flavor of his saber, though — What does he look like?

"He had a face that any male model would kill for and the most incredible hair I’ve ever seen on a man. Freshly fucked hair. "

Yes! Yes! Yes!! This book isn't about R-Patz and KStew at all…

I'ts about Zac Efron! And us!!

We knew it!!

He's the perfect man! Or is he?!

"If only he would keep his mouth shut, he’d be perfect. A piece of duct tape would do the trick. I had some in my desk that I’d occasionally pull out and fondle, hoping someday I could put it to good use."

We've seen a lot of kinky fetishes in our day, but duct tape fondling? That's a new one!

Buy Beautiful Bastard in stores or online on Valentine's Day.

[Image via WENN & Gallery Books.]

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9 comments to “Beautiful Bastard Moistens Panties With LEAKED 1st Chapter! Read SEXY Twilight Inspired Intro HERE!”

  1. 1

    How is this Twilight inspired? Is there 90 year old vampires in high school? Weak female lead character? Teenaged angst and lip biting?

  2. 2

    "Also… "selfrighteous"?" Pot, meet kettle. You pointing out another's typo? I understand that 1st grade teachers use your post as examples of how NOT to write. The absense of a hyphen is hardly worth your self-righteous scorn.

  3. Self Righteous says – reply to this


    Self righteous is not a new word. The only typo was it needs a space between self and righteous. Definition: confident of one's own righteousness, especially when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others. Origin:1670–80. I have heard this word used many times.

  4. 4

    Hey piggy, it's ironic that you are calling out misspelling (missing the hyphen) in the word "self-righteous" when the same word describes you to a tee.

  5. 5

    I'm already throwing up in my mouth a little. Peeps can learn some shit from Anne Rice on erotica.

  6. Kate says – reply to this


    I'm SICK of damn Twilight fanfiction!!!

  7. Kasey says – reply to this


    Come on not another one. I read fanfiction daily but, I refuse to buy something that was once free. Just because something goes over good online DOES NOT mean it needs to be published. I read both 50 Shades and Beautiful Bastard when they were ff and while good they were not book and especially movie worthy. So basically it is just Hollywood trying to make a quick easy buck.

  8. kira1 says – reply to this


    Re: rosebud99 – It's Twilight inspired because the authors were Twilight fans and said that they based or copied their books on Twilight. Like 50 Shades of Gray was a complete copy and was titled Masters of the Universe before the title was changed. The leads were Bella & Edward before they became Anastasia & Christian for fear of a lawsuit. If you actually read twilight and understand it Bella was never weak.

  9. Jkat says – reply to this


    Can he read minds except for hers? Is there a reason why he can't stay with her? If not, I'm not reading it.