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Every Glee-Tail: I Do, Declare! Just How Many Gleeks Had Sex Last Night?! And Who's Knocked Up Now???

| Filed under: TV NewsGay Gay GayLove LineGleeLea MicheleCory MonteithChris ColferDarren CrissDianna AgronNaya RiveraSex

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Ryan Murphy has finally done it: He’s finally just let fangirls write his show!

Well played, Mr. Murphy!

Our rabid Glee-loving juices are flowing… and we didn't sleep a wink!

We just kept watching last night's EXPLOSIVE Valentine's Day episode over and over and over…

Okay, we watch the last 20 mins over and over and over. And if you call yourself "Gleek," you know EXACTLY why!

Let's not prolong this … we need to VENT about one word: QUINNTANA!

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD… AND WE MEAN IT, IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THIS EPISODE, HUGE PLOT TWISTS ARE GOING TO BE RUINED FOR YOU. MOVE ALONG TO SOMETHING ELSE IF YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN FANGIRLING WITH US. BE GONE.

So….

Remember when Will’s first marriage failed because of a deceitful lie? Remember when Rachel was ready to get married? Remember when an entire season was dedicated to an essential character being knocked up way before her time?

Yeah, last night's episode was like the entire first season of Glee on friggin’ steroids! It was MIND-BLOWINGLY awesome. There were so many twist and turns, we thought we were actually getting dizzy and hallucinating seeing Quinn in bed with Santana, naked and sexually satisfied. OH WAIT, THAT WAS REAL LIFE! WE DID SEE THAT!

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The Twitter rants are real: Quinntana happened last night. And we've already teased you with the scenes HERE. But let us just get you up to speed on how things progressed to that.

You’ll recall that last week, Finn got a little lip-happy and done kissed his best friend’s fiancé. Unbeknownst to Will Scheuster, Emma and Finn have been carrying around this dark secret behind his back, both agreeing that they will never speak a word of it. But the pressure becomes too much for our favorite OCD lass and just as everyone suspected, seconds before heading to the alter, Emma bolted for the door. The song choice for this scene? Exquisite. We don’t know why Jayma Mays doesn’t get more numbers, but we genuinely feel like she delivers hardcore whenever she gets one. Her patter was simply spot-on! Sondheim is tipping his hat to you, lady!

With the bride long gone, there’s nothing left for the entire returning McKinley grads to do then enjoy the Valentine’s Day dance now available to them, courtesy of Emma’s parents. Who says you need a couple to get married to have a reception?! With love in the air, old flames were rekindled, while new hookups sprung out of nowhere… or maybe the bottom of a Pinot bottle. Klaine and Finnchel find themselves swimming in Cupid’s glow and it wasn’t long before both pairs found themselves in hotel rooms shacking up. Close behind were Artie and the chick who didn’t win the Glee Project, but pulled off bitch to PERFECTION … and then, BOOM! Quinn and Santana. HOOKING. UP.

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Now, we all know that a war is brewing online between Britanna and Quinntanna ships. Your canons are loaded and you’re ready to rumble. But lesbihonest – Santana deserves more than a one-night stand. She deserves a GIRLFRIEND. She deserves a sapphic, soul sister who knows what she wants and is ready to share it with Glee’s resident latinolicious lesbian. Put out the casting call, make all the arrangements – let’s get Santana into a mature relationship and stop traipsing her around.

SPEAKING OF TRAMPS…

Turns out, Rachel Berry has a little bit of a slutty side… sorry, we meant to say sentimental. (No we didn’t) The Finnchel chemistry in last night’s episode piqued so high, we thought our TV was going to start smoking. First they flirty danced, then she ccaught the bouquet, then Finn makes this grandstand speech about their love being “endgame” (spending some time on tumblr we see, Ryan Murphy), then they sing a duet, which ultimately lands them in bed together. All nice things, right?

WELL… Okay, actually, at first, it looks like RB is in the clear. Her boy Brody that she left at home is totally cool with all this when she confesses to being with Finn. Honesty is the best policy… unless you are hoping to hide the fact that you are a prostitute, who also spent your Valentine’s Day in a hotel room, but instead of sleeping with an old flame, you slept with some old lady for $500.

But that’s all right. We have a feeling Rachel’s going to be doing quite a bit of lying herself going forward… you know, now that she’s pregnant!

BERRY’S GOT A BUN IN THAT OVEN!

Like mother, like daughter. Omg! We just had the best vision: Faberry playdates! For the kids though, not Quinn and Rachel. Apparently, Quinn has a type! ;)

So now, we’re left with all these LOOMING questions:

Where is Emma? Will she still marry Will? Will Finn confess to the kiss? Is Quinn moving to NYC too? Is Klaine “endgame”? And obviously, who’s the baby’s daddy … 2X? Oh yeah, Rachel’s baby daddy is important … but we still don’t know who impregnated Sue Sylvester. Yeah, remember that storyline? We do!

Oh, and by the way, for those of you at home who are more invested in the New Class, Marley hit a bit of snag this week. Her ongoing episode of Sister Wives Brother Boyfriends came to a head when she put the brakes on sleeping with Jake, while letting Ryder kiss her in the hall the next day. So, there’s another love triangle for you to keep up with. We think that brings Glee’s totally to 19 sets.

Things are getting good again, Gleeks! And next week…

WAIT! WHAT?! NOT NEXT WEEK?! THREE WEEKS!? WTF!

FOX, are you like, numb to people’s feelings?! You can’t let the show drop a bomb like this on us and then take yet another hiatus. Damn, you just came back!

UGH! Not cool!

You know what was though? Our favorite line of the night:

"Did you vapo-rape my ex-boyfriend?"

LOLz!

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5 comments to “Every Glee-Tail: I Do, Declare! Just How Many Gleeks Had Sex Last Night?! And Who's Knocked Up Now???”

  1. fancypants66 says – reply to this


    1

    Gross. This is why I don't watch Glee anymore.



  2. 2

    I really liked the episode, but i´m not sold on the whole "rachel getting pregnant" stunt. I would rather see her happy and successfull in her new life.

  3. StrainAsylum says – reply to this


    3

    That's my new favorite quote -I LOVED the episode. Fun, chaotic & light. Some romance, some drama.. The Emma thing will work out (they need a SMALL, no pressure ceremony with a JoP); the kiss w Finn was just a white knight response to damsel in distress. LOVED everyone's performances, the songs and all of the characters! Over-analysis is not suited to this episode; it's a TV show (COMEDY) :)

    The hookups were handled very tastefully; I expected to be horribly embarassed but it was fun & flirty instead of over-dramatic. FWBs (Friends W Benefits) which, in this case, means relationships on hiatus until they figure it out. Quintana surprised me, but it worked, for the same reason they were the top Cheerios: they're sexy & they know it! It'll be a fling, though, I figure. No biggy.

    Lots more good stuff. The one dark spot (besides minor concern over Emma) is Rachel's potential bun, but that's lead-in to the next episode and starting a new storyline, so … Time will tell.

  4. Madison Hart says – reply to this


    4

    ok wy the hell is quinn gone gay on us i want brittana but quinn and santana jst not kool its quinn puck for life

  5. l says – reply to this


    5

    Quinntana may be the hottest and more right things this joke of a show created.