Oh boy did it ever!
It was quite a legendary sh*tstorm this week on Glee, as many of our favorite charactrs had to deal with the fallout of some pretty dastardly behavior on Valentine’s Day.
You remember, don’t you? To recap…. Finn kissed Emma, who left Will at the alter, who allowed the wedding reception to go on even though there was no wedding, where Blaine and Kurt got freaky, in the room next to Quinn and Santana, in the room next to Marly and Jake, who didn’t get freaky, but Marley later got kissy with Jake’s best friend Ryder and oh yeah, Rachel is (maybe) pregnant, with the babydaddy TBD!
Now that you’re all caught up, let’s get to how everyone’s world has come crashing down on them…
WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUT LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE AHEAD. IF YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW, WE HAVEN’T THE SLIGHTEST CLUE WHY YOU ARE READING THIS. THERE’S PROBABLY A JUSTIN BIEBER UPDATED AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. GO READ THAT, MAKE SURE HE'S STILL FINE AND SHIRTLESS. BUT IF YOU DO WANNA KNOW HOW GLEE ROCKED LAST NIGHT, LET’S BOOGIE…
So yes, Will finally found out about the awkward and uncessary kiss between Emma and Finn. We’re going to get that out up front, unlike the episode, which waited till the last five minutes to drop the bomb. Up until that point, Finn did everything he could to help his mentor find his runaway bride. There were schemes involving Ginger wigs and a guy from Happy Days holding a mirror up to the show’s own inconsistencies. But find her Finn did, and off Will went to win back his lady love, using the full-proof, John Cusack method. (Where the hell someone found a boombox in 2013 is beyond us! Shouldn’t that thing be in the Smithsonian next to a phonograph and a Walkman?)
Will’s grand gesture works and Emma finally reveals why she ran away from their wedding. Oh no, not because she kissed Finn – she conveniently leaves that part out. No, she ran because she felt like she didn’t know Will anymore and that his time away in Washington had made them people she didn’t recognize. They make a vow to start over and get to know each other again. We’ll see how well that works out, since the next day, Finn blurts out to Will in the hallway of the school that he kissed Emma. And Will… shockingly doesn’t punch him in the face (maybe because he’s a foot taller than him). He just walks away, all heartbroken. And, scene.
Jarely Ain’t Gnarley No Mo’
Oh, you know who else is heartbroken? Marley. Poor, sweet Marley – she has two cutie patooties in love with her and she just can’t choose. But she finally fesses up to Jake that Ryder kissed her after Valentine's Day… and more importantly, that she kissed him back. It’s good to note that she did this right after this kid recreated the scene from Ghost where Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze get handsy with clay. Note to viewers: Demi and Patrick did it better… and also there is nothing sexy about a pottery wheel. Hurt down to his core, Jake storms out of their moment of movie magic and we’re left to wonder if their relationship will last the test of time … or if it is Ryder’s turn to be Marley’s man.
Rachel’s Knocked Up (Again, Maybe!), Kurt Is Broken Up … Santana Reigns Supreme
We’re sad to say that Quinntana did not make an appearance in this week’s episode. (Listen closely, and you can hear the Brittana fans snicker) However, Santana proved once again what an incredible character she is, as she drops some truth bombs in her first week of living with Kurt and Rachel. After rifling through every inch of their apartment, she comes to three solid conclusions: first, Kurt is not over Blaine. Second, Rachel is possibly with child. And third … Brody is a drug dealer who carries a pager. (Seriously, did they have to sign these electronic relics out of somewhere, or…)
For Kurt, realizing he isn’t over Blaine just opens his eyes to how much he has been hurting his new BF, Adam. But he promises to make a better effort. For Rachel… well, we still don’t know much. Actually, we don’t even REALLY know if she is pregnant. Those sticks can give you a false positive you know. But we did enjoy watching Rachel fall apart, with only Ms. Lopez there to comfort her. FRIENDS! And clearly, Rachel wouldn't have had that reaction if she wasn't with child, right? RIGHT?!
But the real jawdropper was Santana figuring out Brody’s secret… or did she? We’re really not of the opinion that he is a drug dealer. We’re thinking more… male escort. Oh, won’t she just LOVE that if that ends up being true! How delicious! And her line about him "scrubbing the shame off his frictionless body,” will just be all the more wonderful!
And that about wraps things up. Next week …. Nsync versus Backstreet Boys! Finally, the boy band mashup you've been waiting for will be here!!!
[Image via FOX.]