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BREAKING POPE NEWS: Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio Officially Becomes Pope Francis!

| Filed under: Etc.Politik

pope new jorge mario bergoglio argentina conclave chosen cardinal

What's new, Buenos Aires!!!

People in Argentina must be going NUTSO right now, or at least those in Argentina that are still into Catholicism, because the newest, fabbest, raddest Pope has just been chosen: Cardinal Woody Allen Jorge Mario Bergoglio! Now AKA Pope Francis!

He's a 76 year old Jesuit, and also the first official Hipster Pope (above) — he's been talkin' to God since before it was cool! LOLz! He's also the first pope from outside Europe in more than 1000 years!!

It took him over and hour to put on his robes and do whatever it is they do in between being chosen and stepping out on the balcony (Take a shower? Take a phone call from the Man Upstairs?), but once he did, the crowd went wild!

We're kinda surprised there weren't fireworks and stuff. We mean, we guess that could kind of be sacrilegious, but this is 2013 — why not liven this baby up a bit!

Oh well… Here's hoping that the new Pope is progressive, not regressive!

Congrats, Jorge! Big job!

In other news, Dennis Rodman was wrong! Whomp whomp!

[Image via AP Images.]


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27 comments to “BREAKING POPE NEWS: Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio Officially Becomes Pope Francis!”

  1. 1

    Anti abortion, anti gay rights, you name it, he's against it.
    Religion is NEVER progressive.
    God does not exist.

  2. Whatever says – reply to this


    would you show just a little respect ?

  3. Robbi says – reply to this


    Definitely not Progressive! Considers Gay Adoption to be discriminatory against children.

  4. lol says – reply to this


    You should say it was Pro-pope-ted

  5. Ky says – reply to this


    Boo! We wanted a cool, black Pope like the POTUS! Not another white guy… *sadface*

  6. Stat says – reply to this


    He will become a wonderful an memorable Pope. The Church needs, this day and age, someone who is compassionate however diligent in its teachings. I have complete confidence in him with all the love and support in the world. Also, how is allowing gays to adopt "progressive"? Sure, why not scar children even more in society.

  7. Magali says – reply to this


    So proud of him and my country!!! ARGENTINA!

  8. Guest says – reply to this


    Not progressive at all, a poor choice for the 21st century. He has prejudice against other humans. Not of interest.

  9. 9

    Re: Stat – shut up

  10. 10

    He's a Sagittarius so while he may stick with what he feels is moral, he is also able to see a bigger picture with things too! While someone may be against something personally, it doesn't mean that they can't be accepting of others decisions… and that's how I see him being. Even within the Catholic religion there are those that are accepting of homosexuality. You'll have a-holes anywhere and everywhere, whether or not they subscribe to any sort of religion!

  11. rose says – reply to this


    Fireworks really??? is not the 4th of july Perez dont be a rude ass . hey overthere in your words "God does not exist" how sad you will be when the end of days come.. entry will be deny to u how sad ur soul will be those who refuse him deny him will have no eternal life.

  12. 12

    perez he is against same sex marraige and abortion what a sad guy

  13. missjay says – reply to this


    im not even Catholic but I'm all about morals which this world doesnt have. if i dont agree with homosexuality thats my opinion and i dont think i should be bashed for it.

  14. Awe says – reply to this


    he's gonna be GREAT!

  15. sweety says – reply to this


    great choice!!!! \o/\o/

  16. 16

    Re: Stat – nothing about his teachings is "compassionate" you dumb fool. It's brainwashed dumb fucks like you who don't get at all what the fictional book called the "Bible" symbolizes. DUMB FUCK

  17. 17

    Re: missjay – listen to yourself you stupid git. you play the victim because you think you are being bashed for being against homosexuality yet you are doing the exact same thing.

  18. 18

    Re: rose – how sad for YOU when your end of days comes and you realize what you have been "preaching" is a bunch of bullshit

  19. Chris Shepherd says – reply to this


    "Or at least those in Argentina that are still into Catholicism." You are aware, sir, of just *how* Catholic Agentina is, right?

  20. Martin says – reply to this


    Argentina is actually not too catholic. Most people don't go to church or anything.

  21. Chris Shepherd says – reply to this


    Re: missjay – Woah. Well put. Of course, homosexuality *is* one's own free choice. I personally think that a man is above having his sexual preference define his identity. I don't label myself as a straight man. I am a man. If you refuse to accept Church teaching on homosexuality, that's chilled. No one's forcing anyone to accept any particular set of ideologies. Or are they? Again, well put.

  22. jack says – reply to this


    Get rid of this despicable religious group who have destroyed so many lives. Really, when are we going to stand up to this farce we call religion?

  23. @v@ says – reply to this


    He's said to be a truly humble and deeply religious man. Apparently he took the bus wherever he lived instead of a chauffeur or car. He worked with the poor, and cooked in kitchens for them himself.

  24. Mech says – reply to this


    Re: Magali – Dale magali , estas contenta por un flaco que estuvo de acuerdo con los milicos y con la desaparición ? Que se hizo el boludo ? … Que esta en desacuerdo con los homosexuales??
    Ponete contenta por otras cosas dulce ! .. Con buena onda te invito a leer un poco más del curita cuervo que ahora es papa ..
    Besitos!Re: Martin
    U're so rigth! We don't go thaaaat much to the church ! in here is not so important the religion than the others countrys!.

  25. Lalala says – reply to this


    There is hope for Rodman, M. Bergoglio father was a basketball player

  26. Stat says – reply to this


    Re: BeautifulKiller – Are you an asshole? No wait, you're an arrogant asshole. You are simply one of those atheists who are too lazy, and simply minded, to realize the existence of God. Henceforth, in your "little world" you can choose whatever you want without any consequences. It is people like you who are decreasing the values of society.

  27. Anonymous says – reply to this


    This is Christianity. The religion (like many other religions) does not agree with homosexuality . Is that so hard to swallow Perez? If you're not Christian, then don't worry about it. Why should Christians change their religion to support immorality so that deviant-supporting people can call them "modernized". I am a Christian and I support the pope. The world needs morality, YAY POPE FRANCIS!!!