OK, we're just going to say it. Selena Gomez' boobs are going CRAZY!
And we're not talking about one of her dining companions!
[Image via Selena Gomez/Instagram.]
Well, this is awkward!!
Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the best selling book franchises ever, but this Mommy Porn renaissance may have more repercussions than we previously dreamed!!!
Sure, E.L. James' erotica put a spark back into many a tired and weary relationship, but sparks sometime turn to fires! And fires can burn down houses!!!
Ironically enough, London firefighters spend less time putting out flames since 50 Shades' release. They say it's because they now spend more time "rescuing" victims of kinky sex acts gone horribly, painfully awry!!!
"I don't know whether it's the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up. I'm sure most people will be Fifty Shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them."
These "emergencies" sound HIGHlarious, because they absolutely are, but they result in very real consequences — like wasted tax dollars!
Perhaps E.L. should reprint her seXXXy series with a page one disclaimer to ward off any amateurs:
"WARNING: Do not try this at home. But, when you do, make sure you make a spare key for the handcuffs."
Ha! If only!
[Image via WENN/Tumblr.]