Ch-ch-check out Obama's AH-Mazing final WHCD speech (above)!
Holy crapsicles!!! This is AMAZEBALLZ!
Apple unveiled the next generation of iPad just minutes ago, and the specs on the new device will BLOW your technologically-oriented mind!!!
Are you ready to learn about the iPad5? You sure? Well, tough!!! Because that's not even a thing!
Whoa!! So light! So breezy! We love the name!!!
It'll only weigh one pound, be 7.5 millimeters thick, and will have a "screaming fast" A7 Chip!!! Holy crap!!! One pound?? That's lighter than a spring dookie!!
The colors it comes in are silver, white, space grey, and black! Sorry, folks — NO GOLD FOR U!
In other news, the new iPad mini will have a Retina display! Finally it's worth getting! Woo hoo!!!
The iPad Air will go on sale November 1st, in plenty of time for the holidaze season, and cost $499!
Hooray for the future!! We, for one, welcome our new robot overlords!