It was the worst mass shooting in U.S. history, and now we know exactly how it happened.
[Image via AP Images.]
Meanwhile, in space…
We loved Gravity, but now we almost wish the plot centered around two good-looking astronauts — still played by George Clooney & Sandra Bullock — who discover Earth's giant chocolate peen while doing their space walk! Maybe it causes them to laugh so hard that they use up all of their oxygen and nearly perish!
Because, as it turns out, this big brown space sausage is actually a thing!!!
The religious elders who approved an architectural plan of a Christian Science building in Dixon, IL — get it? Dixon? Take your time, we'll wait — probably had no idea that their pretty little building would wind up looking like a perfectly proportioned replica of Wesley Snipes' enormous ebony penis (scaled 14:1) when viewed from space!
Unfortunately, a lack of
foreskin foresight on their part doesn't prevent Google's satellites from picking up an aerial (money) shot of the biggest boner in all of Illinois!
Or maybe they knew precisely what they were constructing all along! Perhaps this is an offering to a benevolent God that knows the value of a good vomiting cobra when He or She sees one!
Either way, they even thought to include a thicket of pubic hair-esque shrubbery!
Oh, life! Sometimes UR too good to be true!
[Image via Google Maps.]