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Fifty Shades Of Grey's Herpes-Encrusted Flemish Edition Will Give You Red Room Sores Of Pain!

| Filed under: Icky Icky PooDrugsFilm FlickersBookz50 Shades Of GreyHealthSex

fifty shades of grey herpes belgium el james library book dakota johnson jamie dornan

Ickiest. Discovery. Ever.

The world was stunned mildly shocked when Belgian scientists recently uncovered a herpes-tainted copy of Fifty Shades of Grey in one of Antwerp's public libraries!

Two professors from the University of Don't They Have Something Better To Do did a toxicology screening on several of E.L. James' critically acclaimed erotic paperbacks and found trace amounts of the icky herp-a-derp all over one tome's totally titillating pages!!

Ewwww! Why?! How?! Who gives herpes to a novel?

An insatiable dendrophiliac who can't afford condoms?? A rising star within the book burning lobby hellbent on drumming up membership? Maybe they were accidentally written that way?

Either way, publishers should consider attaching Fifty Shades of Cracked, Raw, & Red Areas Around Your Genitalia warnings to the back of future editions!

In only slightly less disturbing news, the professors also found insignificant amounts of cocaine in each library copy of Fifty Shades!

Srsly? What the hell kind of book clubs is Belgium endorsing??

We wonder whether the stars of the movie adaptation, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, realize they're risking life, limb, and genital normalcy on this terrifying new project? Now they probably won't touch the shooting script without gloves!!

If there's one silver lining to this Twilight-inspired outbreak, it's the ready-made Christmas marketing campaign:

"Stuff your soccer-mom's stocking with Fifty Shades this holiday season — it truly is the gift that keeps on giving!"

[Image via EW.]

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6 comments to “Fifty Shades Of Grey's Herpes-Encrusted Flemish Edition Will Give You Red Room Sores Of Pain!”

  1. Icky Herp-a-derp says – reply to this


    I have herpes. It is not because I am not a "icky herp-a-derp". I am a girl who trusted the wrong guy and made a mistake. But thank you anyways for making me feel more disgusting than I already do about myself and encouraging others to keep "giving the gift" of making me feel like an outsider, a freak, a whore, and someone who people should get close to without gloves.

  2. awko-taco says – reply to this


    Re: Icky Herp-a-derp – …shitty buzz

  3. missliss says – reply to this


    You're not gross. A lot of people carry the herpes viruses, among others, without even knowing it. Heck I probably am! Hopefully you get meds and you never have another outbreak. I know people that only had one and never had one again! I've also seen people who have repeated outbreaks, it must be hard, but it doesn't make you gross or a bad person.

  4. 4

    If you did ANY research at all you would have found out Herpes cannot live outside the body. That "story" has to be bs. It cannot be transmitted by picking up that book or sitting on a toilet seat, or shaking hands or drinking from a glass… II is called a SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE because THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET IT!!!! It does NOT live on "surfaces"!!!!!!

    Perez you are such an uneducated idiot and post such BS without even caring about the crap you put up here!!!! You are such an f'ing MORON!!!!!

  5. Nele says – reply to this


    Greetings from Antwerp :P

    "Antwerp is The City and the rest of Belgium is parking space."

  6. Ella says – reply to this


    Re: kabuki girl – It were just traces and no, you can't get it from the damn book. To study did happen, was it for tv or radio I don't remember, but the 10 most borrowed books were tested from the Antwerp Library, by 2 profs from the university of Leuven. All tested positive for cocaine and two for herpes and some other shit too ofcourse. And no you can't get high from trace amount of cocaine either, if some of you idiots were wondering.