Well, if she's gonna turn to anyone, we totally expect it to be the "consciously uncoupling" star!
Because, DUH! Who better to understand Beyoncé's pain than the Goop author?!
Poor South Dakota!
It's bad enough they're perpetually forced to play power bottom to North Dakota, a.k.a. our country's other most uninteresting state, but now they're suffering through this!!
Joan Jett signed a contract with state officials to rock out with her lady-c**K out atop SD's Mount Rushmore float at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, but some residents think she's bringing shame upon their great state!!!
Believe it or not, the I Love Rock 'n' Roll singer has the gall to be a card-carrying member of PETA! Joan actually supports animal rights!?!
Oh, the indignity! Oh, the horror! Oh, the… what?!
What's wrong with that? Isn't everyone against animal cruelty in this day and age?
Their president, Cory Eich, is vehemently opposed to a pretty PETA rocker chick representing South Dakota in the NYC parade!
He thinks hiring an '80s guitar Goddess who supports a vegetarian lifestyle is a BAD move. Cory admitted:
"To me, it seems like a huge blunder. I guess I couldn't disapprove more. I don't understand what they were thinking."
Wow, that sounds like a serious overreaction to us! Isn't Thanksgiving about bringing people together?
Why can't two parties with diametrically opposed philosophies use this holiday to civilly discuss their differences over a heaping mound of Aunt Flo's mashed potatoes while Uncle "Drunkle" plows through four bottles of wine in the corner and falls asleep in a puddle of his own pee?
Isn't that how everyone is supposed to celebrate Thanksgiving?
Joan hasn't yet commented on the scandal, but we're betting she don't give a damn ’bout her bad reputation!