Very few things are off-limits in the universe of Glee: characters can become puppets, men can believe in fake pregnancies for far too long, and Molly Shannon can arrive and inexplicably disappear in the blink of an eye. But last night, Glee did something they’ve never done before: they aired a never-before-seen episode.
Well, sort of.
Last year, there was in fact a Christmas episode of Glee. Blaine and Kurt went ice skating, Sue bought presents for Marley and her mom … you all remember this right? Well, apparently, there was second storyline that could’ve come to pass; a plan B, if you will. So Ryan Murphy and the gang decided to go back and time, step on a grasshopper, and create an alternate timeline where Kurt didn’t spend his Christmas with Blaine, Santana still had a broken heart over leaving Brittany and McKinley gave a green light to one of the most twistedly perfect nativity scenes of all time.
So hop into RIB’s mystical time warp (it’s just a jump to the left) and read on to hear how Glee COULD’VE spent Christmas last year!
WARNING: YULETIDE CAROLS BEING SUNG BY A CHIOR – NOT AHEAD. BUT THERE ARE SPOILERS AND EVEN THOUGH IT WON’T REALLY EFFECT THE STORY IN THE LONG HAUL, IF YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW WHAT COULD’VE BEEN, DON’T READ ON.
It’s Christmas Time In The City
Back in the 2012 that wasn’t, Kurt is still broken up over Blaine cheating on him and Santana is still reeling from her split from her high school sweetheart, Brittany. (Sorry folks, again, no Demi Lovato in sight this week!)
Regardless, Rachel, Santana and Kurt need to bring in some holiday dough, so they all get jobs working as mall elves for Santa Claus. Except their Santa’s too hopped up on holiday spirits to be any help to those kiddies, so at the last minute, Santana Claus steps in! And when that runs it course in the exact manner that you think it would, a Christmas miracle happens – a half-naked, gorgeous Sexy Santa arrives to save the day, played by. Popular‘s Bryce Johnson. For those of you who don’t know, Popular was the high school show Ryan Murphy did before Glee. Watch and see if you can see any, um, similarities.
ANYWHO, because who wouldn’t take home a complete stranger who looked like THAT, the gang invite Sexy Santa over for some holiday cheer and drunken tree decorating, but what this buff HO-HO-HO is really after is all the trio’s valuables. After tying Kurt up (kinky!), he robs them blind and skiddadles in the winter night. And everyone learned a valuable lesson about living in New York and talking to strangers!
“The Most Sacrilegious and Profane Horror Show I Have Ever Seen!”
That’s a direct quote from the one – and only – Sue Sylvester, who isn’t completely wrong in suggesting that things were getting a bit blasphemous over at McKinley for the holidays. And you know what? That’s just how we like it! The group was recruited to put together a live Nativity scene, which just turned into a Yuletide diva off with Kitty battling to land the role of the Virgin Mary against the glorious Unique! At one point, Unique, Marley and Tina sing “Love Child” in an effort to land her the role. It was so wrong, yet oddly so right. In the end, Kitty’s pure, non-evil desire to play Mary won her the role… with Becky Jackson as her baby Jesus, half the girls dressed as wisemen and Unique pulling off the fiercest Angel of Gabriel you ever did see.
Now THAT’S what we call Christmas, baby!
And with that, Glee goes on hiatus until… FEBRUARY?!
Ah, no worries. It will go by quickly. Besides, when it picks up again, we’ll probably get more Demi, more Adam Lambert, and best of all…
THE RETURN OF QUNN FABRAY!!!
Tags: chris colfer, christmas, every glee-tail, glee, holidaze, lea michele, naya rivera, recap, spoilers, tv news