Our. Friggin'. Hero.
Boys have a penis; girls have a vagina. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger's five-year-olds in Kindergarten Cop know that much about basic human anatomy.
Yet for some reason, y'all throw your hands up and pretend to be outraged every time you see a marvelous man's unsheathed sword or a lovely lady's loveliest lady parts!
Well, guess what? Dylan Sprouse isn't apologizing! In fact, he doesn't think "what [he] did was wrong" at all!
The Disney star's dangling manhood tumbled out onto tumblr recently, but if you expect him to cower in a corner and beg for your forgiveness, you'd be sorely mistaken!
The 21-year-old NYU student could've apologized insincerely, or ignored the whole situation, or maybe even pretended the pics were actually of his twin brother Cole!
Instead the Big Daddy star offered up an AH-Mazingly articulate response to the whole controversy:
"First off, I will state that the reason I’m making light of the situation is because I don’t think what I did was wrong. To be blunt, I was proud of my progress in the gym, thought I looked hot, and wanted to share it. I’m of the mindset that whoever you are, if you are proud of your body and want to show it off, so be it! You do you."
Aaaaaand that's why he's our hero!
We love it, Dylan! You're of age! You're looking hot! And you wanted someone you thought you trusted to see the progress! What's the big deal?
IT'S JUST PEEN!
We realize this might've been shocking to the young fans of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, but Dylan never intended for them to see the pics!
See the new t-shirt the actor plans on wearing and read his entire statement (below):
"In regards to my pictures…
I figured I would write my thoughts on it all. After having a night to sleep on it and a day to reflect, I think there has been ample time to gather my thoughts while the encounter is still fresh.
First off, I will state that the reason I’m making light of the situation is because I don’t think what I did was wrong. To be blunt, I was proud of my progress in the gym, thought I looked hot, and wanted to share it. I’m of the mindset that whoever you are, if you are proud of your body and want to show it off, so be it! You do you. There is an odd taboo with the human form (especially in the USA) and I don’t particularly think its a good thing to teach people that you should “hide yourself” as something incredibly sacred. Blah blah blah, that’s a medieval notion.
Secondly, the real problem here was not me sending my pictures to someone, but rather, sending them to the WRONG someone. The real travesty is a misplaced trust, and while I am certainly to blame for it, it is a shame that my private life was somehow forcibly dragged into the public’s perception of me. What is wrong is that, generally I try to stay cool and collected with my prose and a role model for kids (maybe not anymore shamefully) and this seemingly inconsequential act will likely affect the youth’s impression of me. Not only that, but I worry somewhat for my artistic integrity, and my academic integrity. Not exactly ideal, but I’m to blame and I’ll look this incident in the eye like a man. I did it, but I’d be damned if I didn’t own that shit like Beyonce would want me to.
Finally though, and I think that this is the most important part, because of this, I gained 200,000 followers on twitter, 40,000 followers on tumblr, and 20,000 followers on instagram…. It seems to me that the majority of people are actually praising this act as some sort of device to receive fame (or infamy). Why? I have no clue, I don’t entirely condone it though. I’ll make it clear my intent was for this not to happen, and how it has affected me so positively is an enigma to me that rings true of the human condition. Maybe people just like to see others mess up? I’m German by blood, so I feel you on that.
tl;dr? I was proud of myself and my progress since I was 14 and husky, I’m not proud of this incident’s potential lasting effects on my academic and artistic integrity. But I’m making the best of it through humor and I’m getting this shirt made today:
I figured that if every interaction I have from here on is a chance of them having seen me like this, I may as well just show them anyways heh heh.
P.S. please stop sending me nudes you will not get any in return despite popular evidence"
[Image via Tumblr.]
Tags: big daddy, disney, dylan sprouse, penis, rant, sex, skin, suite life of zack and cody, tumblr