One million, billion points for Gryffindor, Hermoine Granger.
Ch-ch-check out the incredible video (above) and if you want, you can read her entire speech HERE.
Talk about starting off 2014 on the wrong
In most places, humans celebrate New Year's Eve by waxing poetical about the future, drinking fancy champagne, and counting down to midnight like they're launching a rocket.
Dorchester, Massachusetts is not most places!
The victim alleges that all of the dramz began when she asked to "hook up" with another female at the party, albeit one who was there with her boyfriend. The boyfriend reportedly attacked the victim after that. And when the victim went to the host to explain what happened, she was accused of ruining the party. Later, outside the house, the would-be-toeless victim apparently got into a physical altercation with the party's host.
The two girls fought, rolling around on the ground all lady like, until the host allegedly bit the victim's toe clean off!
Uh, what in the name of bath salts?! WHO DOES THAT!? We've heard of the late night munchies, but that's srsly ridic!!
The victim was taken to the hospital and treated for a variety of wounds, including the severed toe.
It's unclear which of the woman's toes was bitten off, but we're guessing it was the little piggy that cried wee wee wee all the way home.