Gushing over the sweet couple, a confidante revealed:
So, uh, if you're viewing this site on a computer, you might want to have a seat!
Not just because it's a more comfortable way to surf the web either, but because we're about to break some bad news and we don't want you going all wobbly-like in the knees!
Apple is discontinuing support for the Snow Leopard operating system!!! After four years of fantabulous functionality, they're pulling the plug!!
Wow, really?! Why Apple, why? According to sources extremely close to the situation, about 20% of Mac users still use Snow Leopard!
That's one in five! Two in ten! SEVEN IN THIRTY-FIVE!
Hmm, we wonder if the tech company's controversial decision to slay their profitable pussy once and for all has to do with the leopard that's lunching on people like they were human flavored Meow Mix? Maybe Apple thought that killer kitty was bad press for their product!
The good news — if indeed there can be any in a sad, sad story like this — is that pretty much every Snow Leopard user left on the planet should be able to upgrade to Mac OS X Mavericks or another more up-to-date platform for free!!
Of course, you don't have to upgrade!! But don't blame us if you get a horrible computer virus. Or hepatitis.