Why so sad? Oh right. Because Obama's successor is already showing what an unaware buffoon he is.
Did you see that embarrassing interview on Fox & Friends?? Just let Colbert break it down for you (below)!
[Image via CBS.]
Hope you don't have any serious food allergies ’cause this story is NUTS!
There was a stabbing in New York on Monday which is sad, to be sure, but not entirely out of the ordinary in a metropolis with over eight million peeps. What sets this apart from countless other big city crimes that undoubtedly occurred over the long weekend is how one of our favorite Friends star, Dr. Ross Geller, was involved!
See, the violent incident took place in front of David Schwimmer's East Village town home and footage from the actor's surveillance cameras might bust the case wide-freakin'-open.
TV paleontologist by day, crime fighter by night? That's AH-Mazing!!! It should be it's own network drama!!!
Law & Order: Special Friends Unit, CSI: Central Perk, Miami Nice Guy Who Finishes Last, Starsky & Bo Bo the Sperm Guy, NCIS: WE WERE ON A BREAK, Dinosaur Street Blues — there are literally too many pun permutations here. Our brains are about to explode.
First, the stabbing happened in the neighborhood where everyone hates him so much they spray-painted his town home with anti-Ross graffiti. Ironic, then, that he's the key to cracking the case!
Second, it was a wacky crime to begin with. Apparently one young man, who is perhaps a pimp, stabbed another young man, who is perhaps a John, for failing to pay a third young man, who is perhaps a transvestite hooker.
Yikes! Sounds like Davey Boy moved into an interesting neighborhood!
We just hope the video footage he handed over to the cops will help bring the criminals to justice!
[Image via WENN.]