Jay Z is one lucky man.
Little Blue Ivy isn't anywhere to be seen -- sometimes mommy and daddy need some sexy alone time!
Ch-ch-check out the sexy video, below:
This is CRAY!
On Monday James Franco published a seemingly autobiographical yet completely surreal Vice column, and the numerous revelations it contained will have your jaw dropping all the way to the floor!
Well, according to his new quasi-decipherable testimony, she was thirsty for much, much more! She wanted the whole nine
According to his essay, it all happened sometime before he hosted the 2011 Oscars. James camped out at a fancy Hollywood hotel for about 9 months while his mansion underwent extensive renovations and everything went nutty when Lindz somehow acquired his room key from the manager.
He alleges that she used it to routinely barge into his room unannounced, in the middle of the night, and CRAVING SEX!!!
So, did she ever find it??
"For nine months, while they fixed my house, I was staying in the bungalows… Lindsay Lohan was there too. [It] was her home, and the staff were her servants. She got my room key. One night she came in at 3 AM. I woke up on the couch, trying not to look surprised. Instead of fucking her, I read her a short story about a neglected daughter… Every night Lindsay looked for me… Every night Lindsay looked for me, and I hid. Out the window was Hollywood."
At points in his long, non-linear essay — in between Terry Richardson, Gus Van Sant, and River Phoenix's free-dangling peen asides — he talks about LiLo poppin' Oxycontin, cuddling with him, and even getting her first taste of J.D. Salinger… but he doesn't admit to banging her!!!
He doesn't quite deny it, either.
Perhaps most disturbing is a story he shares where Lindsay berates him with homophobic verbal abuse. Trying to get past the deadbolt on his door, she apparently yelled:
“Open the door, you bookworm punk blogger fa**ot.”
Wow! That's messed up! So what if he'd rather read American literature than have sex???? That's not an indicator of his sexuality! Even if it was, it's no cause to be mean!
If James Franco's super-long essay is to be believed, this totally changes everything we thought we knew about their relationship!
[Image via Instagram & Prettybird.]