Alabama Strikes Down Anti-Sodomy Laws!!! You Can Finally Gobble The Goop & Get Mud On Your Duck In Peace!
Hoooooray! We have AMAZEBALLZ(INURMOUTH) news for Alabamians who enjoy blow jobs and butt-sex!!!
According to people who dress nicely and carry briefcases, Alabama took a huge step toward not being the most awful and intolerantly humid hole in the world last week when they finally (FINALLY!) decriminalized oral & anal sex!
That's right, sports fans — feel free to ride the baloney pony to poop town and stop in Tuscaloosa on the way!!!
Previously, "[a]ny act of sexual gratification between persons not married to each other involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another" was illegal (and, wow, whoever wrote that titillating passage should moonlight for Hustler.) In fact, lawmakers pretty much admitted that was the state's way of trying to curb same-sex relationships.
As of Friday, though, those horribly stupid laws have been struck down!!
Speaking of things going down, this makes us want to go down… South we mean!!! This is the PERFECT excuse for a road trip! We can't wait to drive the chocolate speedway!
While same-sex marriages are still outlawed in the
great state of Alabama, and 11 other states still have totally uncool anti-sodomy laws, this is at least a step in the right direction!!!
For the record, the Alabama state tree is the Logleaf Pine and we're 75% sure it's legal to stick your dong in it.