Obligatory ***SPOILER*** warning: If you didn't watch last night's episode of American Horror Story then STOP reading right now!
Wednesday night saw yet another episode of American Horror Story, and we're sad to say it, but this season just keeps getting worse…
After an amazing first couple of episodes, Freak Show just keeps jumping the shark, this time by adding a zombie? Maybe?
Pink Cupcake started off with a dream sequence where Stanley and Maggie killed and sold Paul, (seal boy.) But since it didn't really happen, we can only guess that some freaks are eventually going to be killed by the duo.
Then, Desiree finally got some storyline and was seen making out with Jimmy, but not before he touched her downstairs parts and made her bleed! It turns out she is actually 100% female and Jimmy's lobster hands forced a miscarriage. All in all, not the best way to cheat on your husband.
Elsa was then seen singing her Mars song again, only this time, the audience booed her off stage! Probably on account that she wasn't a freak, at least in their eyes.
After a pretty weak start, we finally got to Dandy's plotline, aka the only good plotline, and he and Gloria were busy burying Dora's body.
And since we are kind people here, here's a gratuitous shot of a nearly-naked Finn Wittrock. You're welcome.
Now, this is where the episode really got interesting. We know that Dandy is trying to find someone to kill, so he goes to a gay bar to find his next victim, but he bumps into Dell!
Dell is gay, which explains why he could never get it up with Desiree and why he was attracted to a bearded lady…and get this, he was on a date with Matt Bomer!
Only it wasn't really a date, Matt was actually playing a gay prostitute whom Dell had fallen in love with. Naturally, after a great introduction as a character, Matt was immediately killed off by Dandy. Except for the fact that he was able to survive a crap ton of stab wounds and having his arm cut off. Sooooo… is he a zombie, or immortal, or poorly written, or…
Anyway, since we're never going to get an answer to that question, the episode ended with another introduction of a famous face, Gabourey Sidibe!
Unlike Matt, Gabourey is signed on to more than just one episode, so we're most likely going to see her make her way over to Frances Conroy's mansion to play detective over Patti LaBelle's murder!
Some other stuff happened with Elsa, and the twins, and some cupcakes, but it was all pointless since everything was fake and didn't matter.
Tune in next week as we, most likely, jump another shark and meet the aliens from Asylum.
Ryan Murphy. Ruining his own shows one episode at a time.
Tags: ahs, american horror story, emma roberts, freak show, gabourey sidibe, jessica lange, matt bomer, ryan murphy, tv news