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The Hottest, Most NSFW, & Just Plain CRAZIEST Excerpts From The New 50 Shades Of Grey Book!

| Filed under: Gay Gay GayBookz50 Shades Of GreySexCrazzzzyLGBT

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When we heard E.L James was writing another Fifty Shades of Grey book that would just be the same story, we were a little skeptical.

But when the book was released at midnight, we found out that getting everything from Christian's perspective is VERY different.

[ Related: Grey Could Be Heading To The Big Screen — Without Jamie Dornan & Dakota Johnson!]

It really is a whole new book.

A sick, twisted, sexy, cruel, disturbing new book!

We just had to share some of the craziest excerpts. But be warned, they are very NSFW! Read at your own risk:

Christian isn't good at meeting new people:

"'Mr Grey.' His handshake is limp, like his hair. Asshole. 'Wait up - not the Christian Grey? Of Grey Enterprises Holdings?' Yeah, that's me, you prick."

He says "dude" in his inner monologues:

"Dude. I need to get out of Seattle this weekend. This chick is all over my junk and I've got to get away."

He doesn't have an inner goddess, he just has "my cock." As in:

"She looks radiant. My cock agrees and stiffens in greeting."

and:

"And there she is: disarming once more, surprising me at every turn. My cock concurs."

and:

"Miss Steele is a carnal creature. She will be a joy to train. My cock twitches in agreement."

and:

"I have never slept with a woman. I've fucked many, but to wake up beside an alluring young woman is a new and stimulating experience. My cock agrees."

He doesn't reveal it but inside he gets way too offended when Anastasia asks him if he's gay:

"I cannot believe she's said that out loud! Ironically, the question even my own family will not ask. How dare she! I have a sudden urge to drag her out of her seat, bend her over my knee, spank her, and then fuck her over my desk with her hands tied behind her back. That would answer her ridiculous question."

This isn't the only time he considers having sex with someone as a punishment for offense:

"I weave my hands through her hair and kiss her hard, wondering if I should fuck her over the kitchen counter as a lesson."

We don't want to know what he'll do to her for the offense of using the magic word:

"'Please pass me my sweatpants,' she orders, pointing to them. Wow. Miss Steele can be a bossy little thing."

​He has a very different view of their first time:

"She probably never had an orgasm — though I find this hard to believe. Whoa. I'm responsible for her first fuck and her first orgasm. I'd better make this good. 'Well, we'll see what we can do about that.' I'm going to make you come like a freight train, baby."

The things he finds arousing are a little… unexpected:

"My fingers caress her cheek. Her skin is soft and smooth, and as I brush my thumb against her lower lip, my breath catches in my throat. Her body is pressed against mine, and the feel of her breasts and her heat through my shirt is arousing. She has a fresh, wholesome fragrance that reminds me of my grandfather's apple orchard."

and:

"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick."

but most of all:

"An image of her shackled to my bench, peeled ginger root inserted in her ass so she can't clench her buttocks, comes to mind, followed by judicious use of a belt or strap. Yeah… that would teach her not to be so irresponsible. The thought is hugely appealing."

The sex scenes are just as oddly erotic/erotically odd as the original, and will probably satisfy fans:

"With one thrust I'm inside her. Fuck. She's exquisite. I take a moment to savor her. Then I start to move, relishing each thrust. Feeling her, on and on, my own breathing labored as I gasp for air and lose myself in this beautiful woman."

There's even a messy tea-bagging scene:

"'This is my favorite tea,' she says, and I revise my mental note that it's Twinings English Breakfast tea she likes. I watch her dunk the teabag in the teapot. It's an elaborate and messy spectacle. She fishes it out almost immediately and places the used teabag on her saucer. My mouth is twitching with my amusement. As she tells me she likes her tea weak and black, for a moment I think she's describing what she likes in a man.

Get a grip, Grey. She's talking about tea."

Yeah, Grey. Get a grip.

If that wasn't enough, YOU can get a grip on Grey: Fifty Shades Of Grey As Told By Christian right now.

[Image via Universal.]

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