No ifs, ands, or BUTTS about it!
However, its most eyebrow-raising article is about the dos and don'ts of anal sex!
The brand wrote:
[Image via WENN.]
The precious pair tied the knot in a super secret ceremony on Wednesday night! In fact, it was so hush-hush that even the guests didn't know!
Well, most of them, anyway.
Howard Stern admitted on his radio show on Monday that he was one of the select few who actually knew beforehand that the party wasn't actually for Justin's birthday, saying:
"I was so nervous [to talk about it]. They're so secretive, those two."
"Evidently I'm in demand. I'm very friendly with Justin. I like him very much. I like him, I really admire him. I even said in my speech to them that if one of my daughters brought home a guy like Justin, I'd be very pleased. Except for the s–tty tattoos. Cause he's got some f–king weird ones. And except for the fact that I gave him a journal to draw in and he draws pictures of dead zombie babies with blood dripping out their head on every almost page. I said, those two things might disturb me. But aside from that…"
So of course the 61-year-old had everyone's attention with his HIGHlarious speech, in which he complained about pretty much everything at the sweet celebration, like the chairs, and the cell phone ban, saying:
"Why can't I have my cell phone? I don't want to take a picture of you two! I really don't. I want my cell phone so after I make this speech I can call my car and get the f-ck outta here! People were laughing at my misery."
While all Jen & Justin's famous friends were LOLing at Howard's jokes, he admitted that he was able to be serious for part of the speech:
"I talked about some personal stuff, too. I complimented Justin's mother on raising such a wonderful son. I love him. I told Jennifer that she deserved a guy like this, because after all, she's been very sweet and generous with us. But Justin and his body. His abs, his ass. Look at him. I'm giddy over him! Although Orlando Bloom blows him away."
Turn out it was none other than Jimmy Kimmel! Howard dished:
"Jimmy was the preacher. He did a beautiful job. I didn't think he'd get through it. Jimmy's still depressed about that lion getting killed over in Africa… Ellen was mad that I made fun of Jimmy for crying."
And we're beyond glad Jennifer and Justin finally exchanged vows after being engaged for about 3 years, especially with an insider explaining:
"Jen was never in a rush to get married, because they were just so content. But marriage was always the plan."
The source also added that they also had to work through some differences before they could take the step to get hitched, but that now was the best moment to make the move:
"The timing was finally right."
What do U think, Perezcious readers?
[Image via FayesVision/WENN.]