But this opening brief has to be seen to be believed!
It seems the 'Skins are no longer arguing that their name is not offensive, which had been their argument up to this point.
NOW they are conceding it is offensive to some — but they're arguing that since trademarks have been granted to dozens of other highly offensive (and NSFW) names, the Redskins ought to be allowed to keep theirs, too:
"The [U.S. Patent and Trademark Office] has registered hundreds if not thousands of marks that the Team believes are racist, or misogynistic, vulgar, or otherwise offensive. By way of example only, the following marks are registered today: TAKE YO PANTIES OFF clothing; DANGEROUS NEGRO shirts; SLUTSSEEKER dating services; DAGO SWAGG clothing; DUMB BLONDE beer; TWATTY GIRL cartoons; BAKED BY A NEGRO bakery goods; BIG TITTY BLEND coffee; RETARDIPEDIA website; MIDGET-MAN condoms and inflatable sex dolls; and JIZZ underwear. These are not isolated instances. The government routinely registers pornographers' marks: TEENSDOPORN.COM, MILFSDOPORN.COM, THUG PORN, GHETTO BOOTY, and BOUND GANGBANGS are but a few."
Surely, those sixteen examples (above) should suffice to make a point in their appeal, right??
No one today thinks registration reflects government approval. But if this Court holds that it does, how will the government explain registrations like MARIJUANA FOR SALE, CAPITALISM SUCKS DONKEY BALLS, LICENSED SERIAL KILLER, YID DISH, DIRTY WHOOORE CLOTHING COMPANY, and MURDER 4 HIRE?
Whew! Ok, enough already, our eyes are starting to glaze over, you guys.
Other startling examples that would reflect government endorsement under the decision below include: SHANK THE B!T@H board game; CRACKA AZZ SKATEBOARDS; ANAL FANTASY COLLECTION, KLITORIS, and OMAZING SEX TOYS sex toys; HOT OCTOPUSS anti-premature ejaculation creams; OL GEEZER wines; EDIBLE CROTCHLESS GUMMY PANTIES lingerie; WTF WORK? online forum; MILF WEED bags; GRINGO STYLE SALSA; MAKE YOUR OWN DILDO; GRINGO BBQ; CONTEMPORARY NEGRO, F'D UP, WHITE TRASH REBEL, I LOVE VAGINA, WHITE GIRL WITH A BOOTY, PARTY WITH SLUTS, CRIPPLED OLD BIKER BASTARDS, DICK BALLS, and REDNECK ARMY apparel; OH! MY NAPPY HAIR shampoos; REFORMED WHORES and WHORES FROM HELL musical bands; LAUGHING MY VAGINA OFF entertainment; NAPPY ROOTS records; BOOTY CALL sex aids; BOYS ARE STUPID, THROW ROCKS AT THEM wallets; and DUMB BLONDE hair products. Word limits prevent us from listing more.
If you're keeping track, that's 53 different vulgar names that the 'Skins are hoping are just as offensive as theirs, and thus, will allow the football team to keep their nickname.
The pitcher and two other unidentified people were pronounced dead early Sunday after a Coast Guard patrol found a 33-foot boat overturned on a jetty about 3:30 a.m. local Miami time, according to Coast Guard Chief Nyxolyno Cangemi.
The accident is currently being investigated by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.
The Marlins, who were set to play the Atlanta Braves today, have canceled their game in light of the tragedy surrounding Fernandez (pictured above, left, laughing with an umpire during a game last week).
The team did release a statement on the matter, though (below):