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Cara Delevingne Bares All About Losing Her Virginity & Battling Depression For Her NUDE Spread In Esquire UK

| Filed under: Love LineSpread 'EmMental HealthSkinBodySexCover ShotDepressionCara DelevingneButtz

Cara Delevingne gets real in Esquire UK's September issue!

Cara Delevingne is getting tons of exposure with the Suicide Squad promo tour…

Oh, and this completely naked spread for Esquire UK's September issue!

The 23-year-old definitely went back to her modeling roots for this one, looking sultry while laying on a table in one shot.

Related: Cara Stuns With Jared Leto & Margot Robbie On The Red Carpet!

And while her entire editorial is way seXXXy, her accompanying interview takes a much more serious note. As the actress has previously opened up about in the past, she really struggled with depression as a teenager while her mom battled her drug addiction.

Cara confessed that it wasn't until she got off her medication at the age of 18 that she stared to "feel things again":

"And that week, I lost my virginity, I got into fights, I cried, I laughed. It was the best thing in the world to feel things again. And I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather be dependant on meds, ever. I hate meds. I think they saved my life and they've probably saved my mother's life but I don't agree with them. It's so easy to abuse them."

She explained:

"I think I properly started dealing with depression when I was about 16 when all the stuff with my family started to make sense and came to the surface. I'm very good at repressing emotion and seeming fine. As a kid I felt like I had to be good and I had to be strong because my mum wasn't. So, when it got to being a teenager and all the hormones and the pressure and wanting to do well at school — for my parents, not for me — I had a mental breakdown."

It didn't end there for her. The supermodel had hit a low-point, candidly sharing:

"I was suicidal. I couldn't deal with it any more. I realised how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die. I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and then it's a cycle. I didn't want to exist anymore. I wanted for each molecule of my body to disintegrate. I wanted to die…. I would run off to the woods and smoke a pack of cigarettes and then I would smash my head so hard into a tree because I just wanted to knock myself out."

Years later and it sounds like the UK-native is doing better, and has the support of her girlfriend St. Vincent. Speaking on what it's like to be in love this time around, she admitted:

"This one feels different. It's like, when you find a real love, you look back on the other loves you've had and you're like, ‘Ooh, that was a bit destructive.'"

We couldn't be happier that she's found such a great love!

Read on for even more HIGHlights from Delevingne's revealing interview (below)…

On feeling depressed now that she's successful: "In a sense, I always feel like when I get depressed, it's very narcissistic, right? Because you can't stop thinking about your own problems. But at the same time it's not. Because you hate yourself. So it's a very weird thing to feel… Especially when I started becoming successful, obviously my ego started to grow, but then [at the same time] my idea of myself went down. So I liked the person that other people thought that I was, but the real me I hated so much." On acting versus modeling: "When I take pictures I put on a face. I do things to my face to make it look better. Even when I'm walking down a catwalk I suck in my cheeks and do looks. [As a model] you're always aware of where the camera is. When you're doing a movie, unless the part's about putting on some kind of allure, you're really trying to not be aware of anything except what the character is feeling."

On social media and taking pictures with fans: "Social media scares the sh*t out of me. There are too many girls who are growing up way too quickly, sexualizing themselves from such an early age. Everyone wants to be famous just to be famous. Everyone spends too much f*cking time on their phones. It just depresses me so f*cking much, it really does. So many kids now, they don't want to meet you to talk to you. They're just like, ‘I want a photo of you to show people.' They'll literally come up to you and grab your face, take a picture of you. Like, ‘Dude, what the f*ck?' It's kind of mad. I'll be in a toilet cubicle and there'll be someone waiting outside to take a picture. Or I'll be crying at a table and someone will come up to me like, ‘Ooh, can I take a photo?' I'm like, ‘Oh crap. Can I, like, say, "No"?'"

You can check out the rest of it HERE, and make sure to ch-ch-check out the uncensored shot from her editorial (below) and her spread in the gallery (above)!

Cara Delevingne gets real in Esquire UK's September issue!

[Image via Simon Emmett/Esquire UK Magazine.]

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