What. Did. We. Just. Watch??
Bachelor In Paradise is getting GOOD in all the best (and worst) ways, and last night's back-shaving, belly button-drinking episode (yes, both of those involved Daniel Maguire and Vinny Ventiera) is STILL running around in our brains!!
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Aside from the Canadian housemate's weird body antics, Evan Bass played one of the biggest roles of the episode last night, when he decided — completely out of the blue — to make a play for Amanda Stanton.
That's right, the d*ck doc who couldn't impress Carly enough through a kiss decided he was going to wedge himself into the Josh Murray-Nick Viall-Amanda love triangle.
How did it go?!
Just as badly as you think!!
Evan gave her the smooth talk ("I've watched you from afar" were his exact words) but Amanda knows how to calm down children — after all, she has two back at home! Ha!!
She let him down gently, mercifully, and respectfully, while her new beau Josh ate pizza and waited. Seems like a pretty good deal for Josh! LOLz!!
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But if you thought Evan was done there, oh, no, you are ALL wrong!
After Amanda shut him down, he pulled her aside and dropped this little nugget of wisdom on her about Josh:
"I really want you to just be careful. There's some verbal abuse claims."
This isn't the first time Murray has dealt with those accusations, of course, but coming from Evan, they lack a certain punch.
Evan, speaking to the camera directly about Murray, told viewers:
"I felt like he was kinda spouting inspirational quotes at me. One day, this guy's gonna just explode."
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As far as the mid-show rose ceremony was concerned last night, here's the map of what went down (the girls had ALL the power!):
Lace Morris hooked up Grant Kemp. Izzy Goodkind gave hers to Vinny. Emily Ferguson had eyes for Jared Haibon. Amanda (obviously) granted Josh admittance. Sarah Herron hooked up with Dan, while Haley Ferguson chose Nick Viall — and that leaves Carly Waddell who chose… EVAN???
He took the rose completely the wrong way, saying to the cameras:
"I haven't closed the door on Carly. She might have closed the door on me, but maybe I can sneak back in."
With that, Brandon and Christian are the ones eliminated from the show this week — bye, guys!!
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Post-rose ceremony, Caila Quinn's arrival injected some energy into the show, and she went RIGHT after Jared. Uh-oh, Emily…
The poor Ferguson twin took it none too well that Caila and Jared went on a date (and totally made out on a beach), telling cameras:
"She just comes off as perfect, and sometimes it comes off as condescending. I don't … what does condescending mean? I definitely don't like Caila — I've always felt weird about her. I always have felt like she's too perfect, and everything is so much like a pageant queen that it's almost fake."
While Emily struggled with her Caila competition, Evan struggled with push-ups.
The guy had a tough episode, OK?! Actually, a pretty tough season…
After getting drunk with Carly, Evan tried to do a push-up and give her a kiss (?!) except he kinda failed at the push-up part, wandered into his bedroom, and passed out.
When he didn't move for a while, producers called paramedics, and all of a sudden, he's in an ambulance with an IV in his arm and Carly came rushing to his side for a full makeout session.
What in the… you know what, this might be true (weird) love, let's just go with it! LOLz!!
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The only other move of note from last night: Ashley Iaconetti is back, baby!!!
The tear-jerking Paradise alum has returned for Jared's heart, which is kind of a problem considering both Emily and Caila are set on him, too, but at least Ashley has, uh, her virginity?
Some things never change.
Ch-ch-check out more Bachelor In Paradise tonight at 8:00 p.m. ET only on ABC!!
[Image via ABC.]
Tags: amanda stanton, amazing, bachelor in paradise, breakups, busted!, controversy, crazzzzy, evan bass, fitness, josh murray, love line, nick viall, oops!, reality tv, the bachelor-ette, tv news