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Kellyanne Conway Gives Batshit Interview About 'Alternative Facts' And How She Would Rather Commit Suicide Than Be Press Secretary

| Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TruePolitikDonald TrumpHIGHlariousScary!CrazzzzyNewsViral: NewsControversy

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Feel like a load of crazy on this fine Saturday afternoon?!

Boy, do we have something for you — and it comes from (where else) the Trump administration!!!

Kellyanne Conway is the subject of a LONG feature-length interview for New York Magazine in a story published today (apparently it'll also appear in the mag's print version on Monday), and after reading it, we are just… speechless.

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There's a lot of ground to cover in the entire feature, so you should carve out some time later to read the full thing, but here are a few highlights from it — starting with the literal fact that Conway would far rather commit suicide than work as press secretary:

"Slit my wrists, bleed out, put cement shoes on, jump off the bridge, and then I'll take the job — are you kidding me?"

Uh, well, OK then.

Conway's bigger quote-able piece in the feature, though, might center on her doubling-down about "alternative facts." In fact, she explained exactly what "alternative facts" are, and how she can use them:

"Two plus two is four. Three plus one is four. Partly cloudy, partly sunny. Glass half full, glass half empty. Those are alternative facts."

We… uh…. we, well, uh….

Yeah, we have no words left.

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But if you're wondering by now why President Donald Trump hasn't, you know, fired her — well, they have a REALLY close relationship:

"When I want to talk to him, I go talk to him. Eighty-five percent of what I discuss with him will never be revealed. It's like any other boss–C-suite-employee relationship. I don't need to talk to him through the TV. I just go in and talk to him."

Maybe that's part of the problem!

Oh, and one more crazy little tidbit in Conway's profile… she's VERY pro-life, but she's paid for abortions for other women in the past.

She claims:

"Do I know anybody who ever got an abortion? Well, of course I do. I've driven them there. I've helped pay. You know, when you're young, you're thinking about the person, not the issue. We were younger, and I was focused on her, not on the larger public policy."

Wow!

…Except, when pushed for details, Conway couldn't remember any of them.

OK then.

Read the full profile HERE.

[Image via CBS.]

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