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Michael Jackson, Furs, & Jewish Customs: Read The Craziest Lines From Ivana Trump's Book!

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Ivana Trump is selling the hell out of her new book.

The first wife of Donald Trump has been giving cray interviews, enough for even icy Melania Trump to hit back at her.

And while the book isn't nearly so shady towards the President and his current wife, at least not on purpose, it is wild.

Photos: Donald Sent Servant Mike Pence On A Stupid (And Expensive) Publicity Stunt

Raising Trump is a memoir about Ivana's struggles as a divorced mother raising Ivanka, Donald Jr., and Eric. It's like Angela's Ashes except everything is made of gold and any time she has a problem the solution is hiring another employee.

Get a behind-the-scenes look at family life as a Trump from some of the wackiest excerpts, courtesy of Entertainment Weekly, who read it so you don't have to (below):

Raising Kids Is Hard

On having each child attend a different private school, Ivana wrote:

"The logistics of just getting them there were a nightmare. We had limos and company cars with drivers to take them."

Caution: Children At Play

The Trump kids apparently weren't allowed to have friends over, with a notable exception…

"I did discourage playdates at Trump Tower. The triplex was just too huge and lavish…. The only person who had an open invitation to come to the triplex for playdates whenever he wanted was Michael Jackson."

The Art Of The Deal

Amid their divorce, Donald decided he would keep full custody of his namesake. Ivana recalls him calling up and demanding:

"'Ivana, I'm keeping Don. You're not getting him back. I'm going to bring him up myself.' ‘Okay, keep him,' I said. ‘I have two other kids to raise.' Ten minutes later, the bodyguard brought Don back.

Furs In Venus

Donald, the future environmental president, kept his first wife in the best furs. She describes:

"I had a humidity-and-temperature controlled fur vault for my dozens of designer mink, sable, and chinchilla coats. The kids would break into it and pull my furs off the hangers to use in their games."

Easter Ethics Hunt

The kids would enjoy Easter egg hunts with Mom every year:

"I found out later that as soon as I took the eggs to hide, the kids ran into the security room, where we had dozens of cameras monitoring the property."

Populism

"In my town house on East 64th Street, I have a leopard room with spotted wallpaper and upholstery, and feline-themed art…. The third floor is my floor: the leopard sitting room; the master bedroom, with a gold-embossed fireplace and Chinese murals that I had restored by artists referred to me by the Metropolitan Museum of Art; and a pink marble bathroom…. The fifth floor has two maids' rooms and my closet, which goes on and on and on. I call it Indochine because by the time you get to the end of it, you might as well be in another continent."

Fast Food

"FYI: They don't serve wine at Taco Bell. One learns new things every day."

On Ivanka Marrying Jewish Jared Kushner

"I'm not convinced about some of the Orthodox customs, but if Ivanka was willing to give up lobster and bacon, she must really love him."

[Image via Gallery Books.]

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