In Celebration Of Mariah's Wedding
Filed under: Mariah Carey > Jackie Beat
The legendary Jackie Beat has done a parody of Mimi's Touch My Body called "Retouch My Body."
It's an instant classic!
Enjoy (lyrics and song below).
Jackie Beat, still young and sweet!
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…
You know I’m gettin’ older
And I’ve gained some weight, too
In my imagination I am just 22
I’m way too busy to do Jenny, Weight Watchers, too
The fast food is to blame, cholesterol’s through the roof
If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me
Then it’s true, that you
Must sign this confidentiality agreement right here
tellin’ you, what to do
'Cause if you run the pics you got without the use of PhotoShop
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth
Don’t even try it, this is my diet
Retouch my body
Stretch me some more
Take off sixty pounds
Then take off ten more
Retouch my body
Re-size my head
Clean up my skin
Please tone down the red
Retouch my body
Lipo my thighs
With your computer mouse
I’m as big as a house
Retouch my body
Remove every curve
I’m goin’ to the mall to get a soft serve
Give me a tiny waist because I eat like a slob
Remove a chin or two and how’s about a nose job?
Erase under my eyes where it is wrinkled and dark
Your resume says that you worked on Jurrasic Park
If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me
Then it’s true, that you
Must sign this confidentiality agreement in blood
or else you, will get sued
Cuz if I end up on Perez, Hilton lookin’ like a lez
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth
Don’t even try it, this is my diet
Retouch my body
Don’t wanna look tragic
So call In-dustrial
Light & Magic
Retouch my body
Make me look lean
Like fat-ass Oprah
on O Magazine
Retouch my body
Even out my tits
And make sure that this haute couture size 2 fits
Retouch my body
Blur it some more
Come on and give me what I’m payin’ you for
Retouch my body
I just want some gummi bears, I refuse to take the stairs
Make me fuckin’ young and sweet
Get rid of my celluleet
I don’t want no photo, boy
I want an oil painting
Retouch my body
Retouch my body
Don’t cause any trouble
I am in denial
Don’t ya’ burst my bubble
Retouch my body
Just look at Madonna
In real life she looks like
An ancient iguana
Retouch my body
And if you can of course
Try to make me look
Like less of a horse
Retouch my body
I’ve no other choice
I only wish you could retouch my voice
Retouch my fuckin' body!
lmao!
hahah thats OUTSTANDING! ha love it! xo
THAT WAS SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but this shit is too damm funny haha love it
haha that was fuckin good
HATERZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BITCH you wished you looked half as HOT as MARIAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perez,
Please grow up, your obviously jelous
WOW THAT SONG IS GAY!
genious, brilliant, nailed every single word!
)) BRAVO JACKIE!!
omg this is sO MUCH BETTER than mimi's version
Perez you took my lyrics and claimed it as yours, you need to give credit to the true writer
Re: Elyse – I agree.
firece ! that waz the funniest thinq ｉ've heard since the oops ｉ fartedD aqain parody . jackie beat yur great doll ! keep upp the funnies !
ok well to let u know she is actually thin now!!! and ya i gotta admit its funny!! but tottaly not true!! i love mariah!!!! but this is hot tamale!! kinda!
OMG! HILARIOUS! i love it!!!!
ABSOLUTLY FUKIN HILARIOUS…
SHE DESERVES AN AWARD…
DEFINATLY NEEDS AN EQUALLY PISS TAKIN VIDEO NOW!!
WELL DONE BABES…
FUKIN ANNOYIN TART SHE IS
love it, love mariah! this song is way better than the original tho
[[[[[[[[[ what a great voice Jackie haz//great job ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
bitchez..hillary 2/day…{{girlpower}}}
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzpleazezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
too funny !
jajaja… mui mui very funny-…
this is so funnt is was getting bored of the original one
hahah HILARIOUS! lovesit!
oh hell no!!!! this is awesome. i hate mariah scarey
amazing. my favorite part:
I just want some gummi bears, I refuse to take the stairs
Make me fuckin’ young and sweet
Get rid of my celluleet
I don’t want no photo, boy
I want an oil painting
Retouch my body
Amaaaaazing
this is hilarious! Best composition as I may say.
holy crap! this is the best rendition i've heard of this song, funny thing is, its all true! i heard madonna say she thinks all americans are obsessed with their weight, then she announced that shes a size 'O', total hypocrite! love this song, u go jackie! u should make one of 'ashley simpson'…
Dis shit is fuckin funy… ur a geneus PEREZ!!!!!