Behind The 'Snub'
Filed under: Old People
TV's Inside Edition caught up with Estelle Getty's son, Carl, to get to the bottom of why the living Golden Girls skipped out on her funeral.
Carl told the show, "They would certainly have been welcome. I don't know why they wouldn't be attending mom's funeral. Maybe it's a painful thing…As for the rest of them you're going to have to ask them how they felt about it and why they did or didn't come."
Inside Edition took Carl's advice and reached out to the ladies.
Bea "Dorothy" Arthur, told the show she's been grieving for years over Getty's long decline due to dementia, and could not deal with the emotion of a funeral: "She's been out of it so many years, not recognizing anyone. It's a Godsend. She's at peace."
Rue "Blanche" McClanahan, said that she couldn't attend the funeral because she recently had surgery: "I'd like them to know that I didn't [attend the funeral] because I can't fly right now with knee surgery. I don't know why Betty and Bea didn't go, maybe because they, too, have said their goodbyes to her when she was alive."
The show did not speak with Betty White, but they learned that she sent a bouquet of flowers with a card that read, "Love, Betty White." In quotes she added the name of her character on the show, "Rose."
And there you have it.
Estelle's son seems to have perceived the absences as a snub, though. Says Carl: "If it was someone I'd been tight with like that and worked with all those years I'd have been there."
What do U think????
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Re: asdas –
You're an idiot!
Re: asdas –
dear the word your looking for is Gesture, spend less time taking corny pictures of yourself and more time reading a dictionary
I doubt Estelle's son was trying to slam the other ladies, he was probably prodded until he said something that could be twisted into a controversy.
I'm not in my 80s, but I doubt it's as easy to get around at that age. Give them a break.
Life is way too short to keep score! Who cares who shows up for the funeral. What matters is how people treat each other while alive!!! Carl, the son should get over it and worry about something worth worrying about. Be kind to each other! It sure makes life more enjoyable!!!
her son is totally in the right. senile old bitches cant attend her funeral? what the hell? im being serious here too, thats really fucked up!
Both Bea and Betty are in their late 80s and Rue in her mid-70s.
Traveling for them could be quite hard.
Having parents that age frame. They don't
just get around much and like Betty would just sent flowers
and a note. Sounds like her last years were so sad for her,her friends
and family with dementia. I'm with Bea…glad she's at peace now.
There are many reasons they didn't go. And I'm sure they are all very personal reasons.
They may have all said their goodbyes when Estelle was alive, and not far long in her dementia.
people with dementia can turn into very different people. They may have chosen not to remember her that way.
Or maybe, being elderly women themselves, they were unable to travel.
Leave the ladies alone, I'm sure they, as everyone close to Estelle, are hurting.
RUE SPOKE OUT OF BOTH SIDES OF HER MOUTH. ON THE ONE HAND SHE SAID SHE WAS RECUPERATING FROM KNEE SURGERY AND THEN SHE
SAYS MAYBE THE OTHER GOLDEN GIRLS HAD ALSO SAID THEIR GOODBYES TO ESTELLE A LONG TIME AGO. I THINK THE THREE BITCHES WERE JEALOUS THAT ESTELLE'S CHARACTER WAS SO MUCH MORE POPULAR THAN THEIRS AND THAT THEY WERE TV VETERANS AND ESTELLE WASN'T, AT THE TIME. TYPICAL BITCHES.
Why should they feel obliged to go to a funeral? I hate going to funerals and I've been to many. I'd rather remember the person alive. And funerals are so upsetting. I'm sure if you're are these ladies ages you attend many, many funerals of dear friends and family as you get older, imagine the pain of all that grief. Only people who have lost could understand. Everyone reacts differently in grief, so don't judge, I'm sure they cared alot about her. One of my Mom's friends couldn't bare to attend my Mom's funeral but she told me that, it was just too painful. Can't say I enjoyed it much either. Society always tells you what to do when sometimes you just have to be selfish and do what you want, for your own mental sanity!
It is not a snub to not go to a funeral. I do not do funerals. They say "Funerals are for the living". I am one of the living but choose not to go. It does not help me in any way. I did not even go to my mother's service. I spent my time with her when she was alive.
I really think they should have been there. I'm sure that they didn't see it as wrong that they didn't go, but they should have. If I could've gone I would have and I didn't even know her.
No excuses, they should have been there. Blanche would have had preferential treatment on a wheel chair to the plane. I will not grieve them when the go.
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Generally, funerals suck.
No one should ever lay a guilt trip on anyone who decides not to attend one.
And anyway how you treat people when they're alive is what matters.
just because society makes us think we HAVE TO attend funerals doesn't mean you have to. plenty of people don't go to funerals because they can't handle the emotion of it, like Bea said. there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
I find it strange that RUE has been on the daily talk show curcuit this week. Maybe they were reruns..doubt it.
I think a funeral is such a personal thing for everyone, and everyone grieves differently, and should be left alone to do so. No one (celebrity or not) should have to justify that to anyone else.
Had she died suddenly, I suspect they would have respected the friendship and attended. However, I had an aunt…who I loved very much……who died after years of advanced dementia. We all said our goodbyes when she was still vibrant, not as she layed in a bed not knowing where she was. As the years go by it feels as if they are already gone, so the acutal "death" does not hold impact. I undersatnd why they did not feel a need to attend.
I am sure too that Bea, Rue, and Betty didn't want Estelle's funeral to be a media circus but a private matter. There would have been too much focus on them and not Estelle.
Basically, attending a funeral is like wearing a flag lapel pin–neither of them mean shit.
I think that Estelle's funeral should be about her life, her death, and those she left behind, not a whos-who of gossip. Also, I think that each person should be able to choose how they say goodbye be it by saying their goodbyes when they can and remembering her in life, or attending her funeral to say goodbye in death. This loss should not be a social affair or gossip hot topic.
I think that they didn't go because it would have been a media circus. The attention would have been more focused on them instead of that classy lady, Estelle.
gee they worked together for 7 years…16 years ago..I wouldn't of cared if I were Estelle…and she did have dementia so she didn't know anyone at the end anyway.
when u get older you think much differently about life and death, what Bea said is so true,, they watched her suffer for so long, there was no alternative for her but peace in death, I understand,,arent we supposed to celebrate life? dont the teachings tell us that we have life eternal for all those who believe in Christ, they are all getting up there ,, it must be hard for all of them, im sure there good byes were said long ago! Ms Gettys son should not take there absence as a snub, they all loved her, after all she wasnt there to see,, she's gone on to bigger and better things! I think it would be hard for them to attend on so many levels, its hard for people in their 80's to travel far!
Old people are onary, you can't get them to do anything they don't want to do. But as a hardcore fan of Golden Girls, it saddens me that neither of Estelle's costars went to the funeral. I don't know how things are done back in St. Olaf, but that this is a snub if I've ever seen one.
Typical Hollywood Selfishness. It's one day you old bags. I hope no one shows up at your funerals.
I dont think it was a snub at all. I think everyone grieves in their own way and says their goodbyes their own way too. They did not have to physically be there to show their support.
None of the remaining girls is a spring chicken either. Like Dorothy said, they each probably said there good byes in life, and 'd imagine funerals get harder for people as you get older; a reminder of your own mortality if you wish. I don't blame them, I'm sure they cared about her.
I think they're all old ladies….so we don't have to judge..
Um, hi. This is the fucking GOLDEN GIRLS we're talking about here… Estelle was actually the youngest of the four, so you know the rest of them are up there in age and i think it's only fair that they're cut some slack. old people and traveling and emotions and friends' deaths don't mix too well.
At first, it sounds terrible that the other Girls didn't go. But then when you read the INTELLIGENT comments left here which talk about how going to a funeral is not the only way to grieve, you realize that it's true. I believe that Bea said goodbye to Estelle already. It's very true the dementia makes the person pretty much gone in the mind. Rue had surgery, which is understandable. And Betty, I don't know, I can't say, but maybe she feels the same as Bea does.
I have a HUGE family full of very elderly people who live 6000 miles from me. I'd have to move there just to go to every funeral that has been and is coming up. I do not show love by going to funerals, I show love by remembering those people in my heart. Of course I also send flowers and cards. So there you have it.
What do I think? I think it is none of your business, nor the business of anyone else…
I don't do funerals or weddings. I prefer to remember them they way they were. Yes, for funerals AND weddings.
I have told my kids to just have me cremated and don't break themselves trying to pay for my funeral, and then to have my ashes spread between Missoula Montana and Sheridain Idaho. I'm from Texas, but this part of the U.S. is the most BEAUTIFUL I've seen in the U.S.
Sounds to me someone might have been a total cunt…….
They should have gone; I personally think it's pretty awful that they didn't. But, it's over and I'm sure Estelle is looking down at all of them and is helping God take care of them. Leave them all alone, they had their reasons, I'm sure. God Bless Estelle.
It's a funeral. You go. Too difficult to deal with the emotions? What about the emotions of the family members? Support the family. Show that she matters. My aunt spent 15 minutes at my murdered brother's funeral… she couldn't stay because she had to get to work. A temp job. But, she managed to take days off to go to big department store sales…. Classy.
Perhaps Bea Arthur, Betty White and Rue McLanahan all felt that had they been there…especially standing all together…there would have been more attention on them than on poor Estelle.
Just a thought. I know in today's society we like to think the worst about everyone, but it could have been that they were thinking of her.
Cut them some slack! These ladies are also in their 80's!! At that age many things are hard physically, emotionally……personally i rather they saw her while she was alive. Who goes or doesn't go to a funeral should be seen as a persoanl choice, not as a coup or lack of it for the family. Stop making waves!
I worked on the show in 1990. It was just a job. They came to the set, read there lines, rehearsed, shot the show and went home. After the show ended I don't think they really kept in touch. How many people really go to funerals of co-workers they haven't spoken to in 15 years.
"Stick with what you, Rose"
I worked on the show in 1990. It was just a job. They came to the set, read there lines, rehearsed, shot the show and went home. After the show ended I don't think they really kept in touch. How many people really go to funerals of co-workers they haven't spoken to in 15 years.
"Stick with what you know, Rose"
Is the son taking into account that these women are in their 80's? Getting around ain't easy anymore son! Also, going to a funeral at their age makes them think about "Who's next?".
Good grief, they are all older ladies–hard to travel, I guess.
they're all hella old. I don't think it was a snub.
Perez, because you and your readers are young, I don't think they understand that when you are an average age of 109, you've seen so many deaths that it just becomes a part of life. Going to a 'funeral' for that person doesn't mean anything for some people. They lvoed her when she was alive and she knew it.
Those women are pretty old and old people have a hard time traveling, even within the state.
Everyone grieves and deals with death differently. You are in no place to judge. It's a personal decision and no one has the right to judge it.
Okay seriously, how long did the show run, what 7 years? Jesus, these women are in there 80's, 7 years is nothing to them. People saying 'they worked together for so long' blah blah blah. It really wasn't that long.
Methinks it stinks. I had two aunts, Delores and Mary, who never bothered to show up or even send flowers when my dad died. Completely classless, and I never forgave them. Can understand why Estelle's son feels badly. People who give a darn show up. Period.
screw that, they should have gone, minus McClanahan she has a reason, as the two others, there's no excuse of not attending a funeral of a friend or family member, it's polite to show up. My grandma just turn 83 and she still attends, walks, talks every and anytime she can, and she has a collapsed lung. Even if the funeral it's painful. It's life…
EG has been gone for a long time, yu didn't see her at the TV Land awards show and no body thought it was a snub so why would you look at this as a snub. Indeed it is a blessing she has finally passed and a funeral in such an instance is a formality.
Perez, you should be ashamed of yourself. Attending a memorial service, is a private matter, and the decision to attend or not is a very personal decision. Your exploitation of the other girls personal decision to attend or not to attend is their personal business, yet you choose to turn it into tabloid trash gossip. Shame on you.
Big deal. She was gone. They are ancient. Who wants to fly to a funeral when you are ancient yourself???
I think this is not the Internet's business.
Just because the actresses successfully created the illusion that they were friends, doesn't mean they were friends in real life. They just worked together.
Oh Lord, they should have been there. You see Betty White everywhere, so her excuse sucks, AS FOR THE OTHER 2, old WOMEN, MY MOTHER DIED WHEN SHE WAS 90, and she always attended funeral, until she had a stroke. Shame on Betty, Bea and Rue. Shame on You. She may have died not knowing who you were, but she was probably there in spirt, and she didn't see you there. SAD, VERY, VERY SAD!!!!!!
I can kinda understand why Bea didn't go — but the others…no excuse!
They're 85 y.o. for CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Not a snub. If you've EVER watched any of them interviewed about Estelle, they all CARED extremely for her. I understand how hard it is, my grandmother has Alzheimers. It's like the person is alive, but dying in front of you.
You're already at peace with the situation when the person finally leaves the earth.
it is well known that the GG's was not a happy set….besides they were just coworkers…would you go to a coworkers funeral….ok I did once but that was different I was actually working with her at the time….not 18 years ago.
WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE, THEY HAD A WONDERFUL 7 YEARS TOGETHER. AND ALL WE HAVE ARE THOSE WONDERFUL RE-RUNS. GOLDEN GIRLS PRO VIDA
WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE, THEY HAD A WONDERFUL 7 YEARS TOGETHER. AND ALL WE HAVE ARE THOSE WONDERFUL RE-RUNS. GOLDEN GIRLS PORVIDA
I think its hard to get into an old persons head … and unless you know you should not judge. My old father did not go to his best friend's funeral…he had been with him as he aged and fell apart. He drove him doctors appointments and helped him get around, but I think his death was too much. I think once you've seen a lot of you friends die, you realize that the ceremony says so little about who they were … and what they meant to you. Greaving is an intensely personal thing. Let the ladies alone …
I forgot which article I clicked on. I think it was the Estelle Getty one? Anyway, who gives a shit. She is dead, she doesn't care who shows up at her funeral. Her son is a baby-man.
Shame on them
People in their 80s see death differently than you and I, and priorities are different. It's too sad, though.
rue had a good reason. that's not nice that bea and betty didn't show
Many people have stated that the funeral is for the living not the dead. Having said their goodbyes while Ms Getty was still alive, they may not have had any further relationship with the living — or a poor relationship, even more reason not to go.
thats bullshit
It does seem odd that none of them went, but I don't like those things either. But sometimes you do what you have to. Maybe for them she died a long time ago and the moved on and now they just don't want to go back. Or maybe it's because they are all very old themselves. Betty and Bea must both be almost 90 if not already.
I'd have gone.
I went to a funeral today for a friend of my parents that had alzheimers (dementia) and it is true was Bea said, they have been gone long before their bodies expire. Funerals are for the living, Getty was not there, just her body. People chose to grieve in their own ways and I think that should be respected.
Blanche, Rose and Dorothy did not snub Sophia's funeral. We have to remember they are not the people on the show. That is not really Dorothy's mom that died. It is Estelle Getty. With such a well known and loved show we sometimes think of those people as the actual characters and not real people with no relation. People lose touch over the years. It happens.
You got out of respect for the deceased, but for the grieving family.
My Mom is 86. Some days she can do anything, some days next to nothing. We CANNOT imagine the physical pain that older people experience just to get through a day. Please do not JUDGE these women. You will be old one day to Perez (Hopefully!!!)
I am really disapointed. Especially with Betty White, I always liked her…well, no more!!!
If neither of them can pay their respects to their long time friend than I hope no one will show up to their funerals either!! It's a slap in the face to the family.
Selfish old bags and their lame arse excuses.
Ruth had a perfectly legit medical reason, but the rest of them were just being disrespectful douches
I'm surprised they didn't go; health reasons are the only reasonable explanation in my view.
let's not forget, that when you are in your 80's people you know are dropping dead all over the place…i'm sure that as harsh as it sounds, you just get sick of going to funerals and the regular reminder that you may be the next one!
my parents are about the same age as bea, betty and rue - its extremely emotionally and physically taxing on them when someone they love dies. sometimes they need to process it in their own ways. everyone finds their own peace in their heart. i dont discount them for it. funerals? are they really all just "for show" - like who shows up? if so, i hope i dont have one. you cant count the names on the guest book when youre dead. estelle knows they love her.
Son is looking for a little attention is he - i'm more disgusted by his actions going to a trashy show for a few minutes in the limelight *oh poor little me* asshole
I dont think you have to physically be at the funeral.Some people deal with death in their own ways.Doesnt mean they dont care.
I understand Estelle's son's feeling on this but he has to understand that all of the women are elderly and have their own health concerns. I don't think anyone has the right to judge them. They did what they felt was best and so be it. I doubt that there was any intentional snubbing done by any of them. Let's just let Estelle rest in peace and not try to stir up crap, eh Perez?
everyone grieves in their own way. why is there a need to stir things up and judge someone for their thoughts or feelings or for what you think they should or should not have done? whatever their reasons are, they are entitled to them. you act so concerned, but what you are suggesting must be extremely painful for those personally involved.
I would have gone to the funeral if I was allowed to. Even if they had said goodbyes already it would have been appropriate and classy to show the family some respect and shown up. Estelle may not have been the same but the family is grieving.
They are quite old, they did give pretty convincing reasons, and there's never really been any reason to think any of them didn't get along, nor that they were all the very best of best friends ever…. so I really don't see how it'd be such a snub. Nope.
Thats like expecting YOU to go to some funeral for a former co-worker of yours that you havent seen in 10+ years, and you worked with over 20 years ago. Not likely. Give the girls a break…they're OLD!
Bea "Dorothy" Arthur is a bitch. Her excuse is poor. Maybe she's just pissed that her Mom on the show looked WAY better than she did. Bea is one fugly hag. Always hated the way she dressed, her voice, and her eyebrows…
put a sock in it. This is not a topic for the cheap seats. Bea Arthur summed it up just great. Everything is a photo op in tinsel town. Or Not!
WOW! I always thought the lady that played Estelle Getty's daughter on the show was a dude! Bea Arthur looks like a tranny!
Bea's is the only one that seems genuine. . . I hate funerals too and when someone I know is dead it's sort of painful, especially with my friends. However, the other two's reaction is bullshit.
Actually now that I read the other comments, I take that back. . . if I were in my 80s, had a friend with long gone dementia etc. . . it would have been both painful and a hard thing to attend. def wasn't a snub. Carl needs to shut his mouth just because his mama's gone, don't mean he has to presscall her old costars who are even older than she was!
Dealing with death is different for everyone. It's easy to say it was a snub, to sensationalize it, but we need to let it go - it's a private issue.
Everyone grieves in their own way. When does showing up for a funeral make it all about respect? When you're alive is when it counts.. not when you're ready to be planted. I'm sure Estelle is smiling from above saying.. Know what bitches.. I wouldn't go either" .. RIP "Sophia" Lv "Rose"
Speaking of painful deaths in my family in recent years everyone has their reasons for not attending a funeral..it doesnt mean their heart is not with the family or that they are so called snubbing ..plus those golden girls are getting up in age…let Rose rest in PEACE
It's like any other job, you loose touch with people even if you worked with them 25 years. These ladies had a good show that ran a few years, and thats it. When you get to be that old, funerals of dead co-workers are the last thing you want to go to. Also, the press would be there taking pictures and commenting on what they wore and how awfull they look. Leave them alone.
I've seen those three ladies speak so lovingly about Estelle on a number of occasions and I'm sure they meant no snub. Her son is grieving and maybe lashing out.
i agree with Marcys comment #32. These women are all in there 80s, things get harder as you get older and I know my grandma didnt make funerals in her own state of people she cared about. Give them a break! I am sure they grieved in there own ways privately with or without attending a funeral.
i have dealt w/ someone who had dementia, i can understand not going to a funeral of a friend who's died of it.
my grandparents are in their mid 80's, just like all/most of the "golden girls" ladies, and they have not been able to travel for years, so surgery and i'm sure age in this case are legitimate excuses.
The funeral covers 2 things. 1# last respect for the deceased,2# for the living. If the paps where there TRUST ME they would have been there. How sad to really know a person and not go to the thier funeral.
The ones remaining aren't exactly spring chickens. Give them a break.