Behind The 'Snub'
Filed under: Old People
TV's Inside Edition caught up with Estelle Getty's son, Carl, to get to the bottom of why the living Golden Girls skipped out on her funeral.
Carl told the show, "They would certainly have been welcome. I don't know why they wouldn't be attending mom's funeral. Maybe it's a painful thing…As for the rest of them you're going to have to ask them how they felt about it and why they did or didn't come."
Inside Edition took Carl's advice and reached out to the ladies.
Bea "Dorothy" Arthur, told the show she's been grieving for years over Getty's long decline due to dementia, and could not deal with the emotion of a funeral: "She's been out of it so many years, not recognizing anyone. It's a Godsend. She's at peace."
Rue "Blanche" McClanahan, said that she couldn't attend the funeral because she recently had surgery: "I'd like them to know that I didn't [attend the funeral] because I can't fly right now with knee surgery. I don't know why Betty and Bea didn't go, maybe because they, too, have said their goodbyes to her when she was alive."
The show did not speak with Betty White, but they learned that she sent a bouquet of flowers with a card that read, "Love, Betty White." In quotes she added the name of her character on the show, "Rose."
And there you have it.
Estelle's son seems to have perceived the absences as a snub, though. Says Carl: "If it was someone I'd been tight with like that and worked with all those years I'd have been there."
What do U think????
[Image via WENN.]
I don't think they could bare to say goodbye to her. Maybe they should have been there, but they are elderly as well and probably can't handle too much anymore. The reality of losing a friend like "Sophia" is to painful…I would think.
I think these surviving ladies are fairly old themselves and health probably kept them away. And it might have been a zoo had they attended with all the stupid press out there. Grief is private-I did not go to the funeral home for my dad, preferring to remember him alive and healthy. its not a snub. I went to his favorite place and fed the ducks for him as he always did. And I myself with have no public ceremony. its not a slight. Just how some prefer to handle the pain and sorrow.
Carl needs to show some class. Being snotty to three women who did show love and friendship to your mother when she was alive (when it counted) only really reflects on him.
Honestly, those comments remind me of those relatives of mine that showed up at my grandmother's funeral - making judgments about who came, the funeral arrangements themselves, etc. Those relatives were the ones who didn't bother coming around when she was sick and dying… and had no clue that we invited those she wanted there, and the arrangements were per her wishes. Guilt sometimes makes people into assholes.
I think it was very disrespectful. Nobody likes to attend a funeral, but you go out of respect for the person's family. I can understand about Rue since she lives in NY, but the other two get no pass. Betty White used to mention Estelle and her condition all the time. She gave of the impression that they were very close. I am shocked to hear she didn't attend. These women might be in their 80s, but they all showed up for the Nick at Nite awards a couple months ago. Betty White has been all over tv lately.
As a nurse in an advanced dementia SNF, the "girls" didnt snub the getty family. A lot of people dont understand the toll dementia takes, and not everyone is as strong as Getty's son. The patient with advanced dementia becomes violent, aggressive, sinister, and is a threat to themselves and to those around them, and they will say and do anything that could cause trouble. One patient accused a male nurse of raping her when he asked her if she had taken a bowel movement earlier that morning, which she sweetly says "no", and 5 minutes later she was screaming in her room that she had been "sodomized by the son of a bitch". And since I was in the room at the same time, I can vouch that it didnt happen. Its just sad how the disease progresses and the emotional toll it takes. But I really wouldnt assume the girls didnt care for Getty, its just they had to make peace with this in their own ways.
…at first I was starting to agree with the thought that they are old women who can't travel, HOWEVER I have seen Betty White on Dave Letterman's show recently, and she must've been able to get to NYC somehow! She was also on Craig Ferguson's show in June 2008. Betty is still a very vibrant woman. Same goes for Bea Arthur. She also attends awards shows, like the TV Land Awards show on June 8th of this year. Just because someone is old doesn't mean they can't travel!
I hate to say these women snubbed Estelle by not attending the funeral, but if they could've gone, they should've gone. Funerals are not always pleasant, but they do show respect to the person and to the family by attending. I only hope that when the time comes for me that my friends/family don't follow in Bea/Betty's footsteps. (Rue I understand why she couldn't come…)
What do I think? IT'S NONE OF MY, OR ANYONE'S BUSINESS. Is there anything that can be private anymore?
Everyone needs to shut up. All 3 ladies are in their 80's, they were already Golden over 20 years ago, leave them alone! Also, Betty White didn't send flowers, her assistant did, she's the only one of the bunch that still works regularly. BEA ARTHUR RULES!!!
They had a Golden Girls Reunion a few years back on Lifetime, and during that time Bea had said that her favorite "Sophia" episode was the one about Sophia and her newfound friend who had alzheimer's. I think they mentioned that Estelle wasn't there at the time because she wasn't feeling well/wasn't in the condition to participate. I'm guessing that the women came to terms with her mental state some time ago. Also, they may have avoided making it a spectacle of her passing out of respect for the family.
No matter what the reason, let's respect all parties involved. They were all apart of a great tv show that brought hours upon hours of laughter and joy to their fans.
PS - Because of "Sophia" I learned the word "Bajagoloop".
Has anyone thought that by having all the remaining Golden Girls together it would have created a bigger media circus and the focus would have been taken off of Estelle?
Everyone grieves in different ways. Let the 70 and 80 year olds grieve how they want.
Awww Come on! I mean, when the show was on the air, they really were in their 'golden' years….platinum takes it's toll on 'em. They are OLD women…the tend not to build up the frequent flier miles after a certain point, ya know?
THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE!!!!
NO EXCUSES!!! AFTER WORKING TOGETHER FOR SO MANY YEARS AND BECOMING FRIENDS THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TO PAY THEIR RESPECTS TO HER FAMILY! This has changed the way I veiw Bea and Betty not cool on there part….Rue had a legitament excuse.
RIP ESTELLE YOUR TALENT FOR GIVING LAUGHTER WAS BEYOND COMPREHENSION AND YOU WILL BE SORELY MISSED AND FOREVER REMEMBERED!! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN DEAR FRIEND RIP!!
R.I.P.
Rest in Peace and shame on those girls! No excuse!
All the times I have made an effort to comfort my friends and aquaintances, such a shame other people of more means are not as giving. Think about what you can do. It is always appreciated. People ALWAYS remember who is at the funeral. My mother taught me that.
ANYONE WHO IS MAKING EXCUSES HAS PROBABLY DONE THE WRONG THING IN TIME OF NEED AS WELL. UNFORTUNATELY, AN ETHICS CLASS WILL NOT HELP THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE. TAKE A POLL PEREZ!
I might be the same age as your fans who comment here but I see that there is a difference. I love to eduacte myself with all of the actors through out the years. Estelle Getty had an incredible story! Come on people…HOLLYWOOD did not happen with saved by the bell or the fresh prince…Three's Company..Jefferson's…lavern and shirley…..did deeper. you will fall in love and respect these great actors
How can you snub someone who's dead?
Everyone grieves in their own way, Estelle's son should respect that.
Nuff said!
Perhaps they wanted to allow the family to grieve in peace…their attendance may have brought unwelcome attention to the funeral. {paparrazi sp?}
Bea and Betty are well into their 80s. Rue's in her late seventies, I think. They are old.
Old people cannot handle stress. Like a funeral.
Think about it. You are old, you know your check out date is near. And what the fuck do you do with the last remaining time on earth? Go to a death fest. Nice.
Old people do not like to go to funerals of collegues as it is a reminder someone is next. Me too, funerals suck.
The dead neither know nor care.Only the living make a big deal about the ending and who turns up.It is how you are to them when they are alive, not the social hoo haaa of a funeral that counts.
Re: asdas – asdas you are a F*ing C.U. N.ext T.ime… i bet noone showed up at your grandma's funeral or will even show up to yours…..show some respect…you'll be an old bag one day too
Re: T.K. – tk you're a F*ing C.U. N.ext T.ime…you're mother is an ugly old bat and some day you will be one too, oh wait i just saw a picture of you, you are already an old bat!
everyone deals with grief in their own way. Alzheimers and Dementia are difficult diseases to deal with, not just for family but also for friends. As a cancer/hospice nurse I see this all the time. It's not that they dont care or that they "snubbed" her, they just dont know how to deal with their own feelings of grief and maybe a little of the reality of becoming elderly and your memory slipping slowly away is a bit too frightening and real for them. Plus you never heard of any bad feelings among them, why would there be now?
I feel bad for the son that he doesn't realize that. A hospice nurse could have explained that to him.
hospice works for the patient and family. it's not giving up on someone neither. it shows that you care about your loved one.
Those other three ladies are all in their late 80's, Estelle was younger than all of them. Give them a break for cripes sake!!
Fuck you Asdas
Re: Erin –
Completely agree! I mean, how many of your grandmothers still travel long distances. One with a surgery, one who couldn't deal with it… and the third… everyone has their own way of grieving!
Come On! These lady's are very old and in poor health also. They have made their peace and hey maybe when you haters out there get old you will understand. At least she had family that cared and was there. That is what counts.
Maybe This is Their was of respecting Her! By not taking the attention off of HER!
Some people can't handle funeral!
I never cry EXCEPT at funeral. Funeral even on TV!
I plan on NOT going to Mine!! lol!
At first I was disappointed that the other 3 Golden Girls didn't attend Estelle's funeral. But then I thought about their ages and how difficult it might be for them to travel long distances, etc. Although I am still disappointed to hear that only Betty sent flowers. It doesn't take much to order flowers over the phone, etc. But then again the media are such bullshit artists, they are probably trying to make a mountain out of a mole-hill.
I kind of feel sorry for Estelle's son. He probably isn't very media savvy and the press probably cornered him and hassled him for a few juicy quotes.
Anyway…blessings to Estelle, her family and the other GG's. I LOVED the GG's, they were all brilliantly funny actresses.
shitty! and I think they didn't want to go because it reminds them just how old they are too.
Death is a tough thing. Some people deal with it different ways. Dimentia is a horrible thing so I'm sure they had said what they needed to long before now. If I was Carl I wouldn't take offense..there are millions of people who felt just as close to his mom then theses ladies actually were, so take comfort in that!
Estelle knew she had people that loved her, whether they were there or not.
Typical!
Kind of surprised at Betty White though.
Rue McClanahan is a walking plastic surgery wreck, and she could not fly.
Please!!
What goes around…. maybe they will all die alone!
Is it possible to remove such idiotic comments like FIRST?
Free speech is okay, but why allow a comment that isn't even about the issue at hand.
Not knowing any of these fine ladies, it would be difficult to say their last good byes to their friend. Dementia, is a horrible thing. If you had seen the Golden Girls reunion on the TV-Land awards with the Bea, Rue and Betty, you would have seen the incredible love they had for Estelle. Each has their own reasons and they should be respected. We should not judge at all as they are grieving in their own way. Funerals are incredibly difficult for some people.
I don't think it's a snub. If the Golden Girls felt up to going, they would have gone. They obviously loved her very much. The time to show up for people is when they're still here. After that, it's symbolic, and up to the individual, as dear
Estelle is already gone to a (hopefully) better place. She does live in their hearts.
They showed the world they don't have any class what a group of bitches.
Alright everybody, that show,one of my favorites, has been concluded for a long time now. You haters better not tell me that you are going to go to the funeral of someone you worked with 10 yrs ago. Especially when you're un your 80's. Cus if you do, then you are soooo full of shit!
Disrespectful and sad that they didn't attend
I didn't go to a funeral of a lady's husband at church last year because I had to go someplace with my child and she still hasn't talked to me. She won't tell me why she's mad at me but she doesn't talk to me either. Before her husband died, she spoke to me all the time. People are very funny about funerals and going or not going. Some people can't handle death and seeing a open coffin.
I think it is a very personal and private decision. Funerals are a a very hard thing for everyone. Everyone greeve differently
None of them are young women, maybe they didn't want to break a hip wrangling with the paparazzi. You can't blame them.
I think it's totally lame! The only one that might have a legit excuse is Rue - because of the knee surgery. What a cop out, " I said my good byes while she was alive"?? So, if someone you know and love is dying of a terminal disease (i.e. cancer, aids, ALS ) , then you shouldn't attend the funeral because you've had plenty of time to say so long??!! That is just cold. I hate when people say they can't attend a funeral because it's too painful - -no shit it's painful - that's why death is sad. BUT pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. Show support for the family. Bea can attend a Pam Anderson Roast but not her co-star's funeral? what a shame.
Re: Phew – remember that when you're time comes.
Sure that's exactly what these girls need to do with all the TABLOID FOOLS out there that would be photographing them at her funeral and the next day sites like TMZ would be commenting how old they have gotten and that it looks like they will be following Estelle Getty through the Pearlie Gates soon because thats how these scummy sites operate with Shit and Foulness coming out of there mouths about celebs and yes even in death!
I think it was out of respect to help avoid paparazzi disrupting the funeral service. If they had all shown up, people may have tried to take photos etc. which would have been inappropriate. The ladies probably don't want to say that's the reason, but I suspect it is.
They didn't go b/c of the paparazzi? Please! When Suzanne Pleshette died they showed only a snippet of her funeral. Bob Newhart and all her former costars attended. They aren't exactly young either. Nobody likes to attend funerals, but as adults that's we sometimes have to do. Very disrespectful of the remaining girls not to attend. I guess some of you posting don't know right from wrong.
They're all old, leave them alone. It can be very difficult for elderly people to travel.
its not about if u said ur goodbyes while she was alive, u go and show ur respect, that is the way it is, they should have went, its fucked up that they didn't, u give ur condolences, and give respect!! that was a total fucking cop out, and they should be ashamed of thereselves
I still like all of them, I think everyone would like family and friends to attend their funeral unless there was an emergency etc. If someone really meant something to you, people should go and pay their respect . I can understand the family feelings are hurt by this.
When we had a funeral for my grandad many guests were very old, what is the problem ?. It's a matter if they wanted to or not !
It sucks that they weren't able to go but we all obviously know they cared for her! And it's not like these women are in their 50's some have health issues of their own! But, atleast ”Rose” sent some flowers!
May she R.I.P xoxoxoxoxo
I think it'd none of our biz why they didn't attend.
Piss off Perez…you bubble bodied, leathersac-mini-meat.
"Everyone grieves differently. It's nobody's fkn business why they weren't there. "
DING DING DING
We have a winner!!!
This saddens me - to hear that none of the Golden Ladies attended Getty's funeral.. although I respect that they decided not to be there. But its still sad.. I sure would of been there if I had known someone for that long. No matter if they've been "gone" for several years.. doesn't matter. A funeral is a last goodbye and honoring of a person…. Sad.
What do I think? I think speculating on this is salacious and nothing more. Let her go in peace, let her friends and former co-workers deal with it as they need to, stop churning the pot.
people handle situations differently, they prob already said bye in there own ways… so sad
They are old ladies…It's hard to travel on one day notice. Cut them some slack!
SHE WILL TRULY BE MISSED…
SHE WAS VERY FUNNY LADY, AND VERY OPEN MIND IT
ABOUT LIFE.
First of all, Bea Arthur and Betty White are 150 years old, they shouldn't be expected to travel. As for Rue, if she had surgery, it is only normal not to be able to travel. Give them a break.
They weren't a family, they only played one on TV.
If you got a call that someone you worked with at your job from years ago had died…would you go? Pfft. You'd probably say "oh, too bad" and go on with your life.
I say they are scared of looking the big D in the face, they still should have sucked it up and went.
I interviewed Betty White exactly a year ago. She was very frail and had to walk with a cane. I doubt very seriously she could have made that trip. Bea, I can't speak for. Although, I do understand grieving in different ways. Maybe she did call?
I hung out with Rue in 2003 and she was a VERY sweet lady and was grieving for Estelle even back then because she was battling dementia and didn't recognize anyone. Rue said it was very painful for her to go and visit such a dear friend who was suffering so much.
I can't speak for the others, but Rue loved Estelle very much and has been hurting for a while.
90 year old bitches shouldnt travel.
as someone who has a grandmother recently pass from a decade long battle with dementia, i must say that the ladies probably, like my family did, said there goodbyes many years ago. when a person is in the latter stages of dementia they barely resemble (if at all) the person that they once where. my grandmother couldnt speak or move on her own for the last 3 or 4 years of her life. at that point when the person finally passes away it is almost a relief that they are finally at peace and to some, particularly those who knew them very well before they started to decline and did not have such contact after the onset of the disease, a funeral will only bring pain, not the joy and remembrance of someones life that a funeral is supposed to be. that is why i can completely understand why the girls may not have wanted to be there.
First of all it's really fucking sad that her son has taken this tragedy and turned it into a media bashing. I don't think it's anyone's business why they didn't attend the funeral. Why do you constantly have to take shit like this and run with it and spread useless trash? I hate funerals. A lot of people do. Those women were in their 80's as well. I think Bea is actually in her 90's. So for them, travelling is not an option. Leave them alone and let them live their lives in peace and let Estelle rest in peace.
I agree with those who have said that mourning is a personal affair. Everyone grieves differently and not attending a funeral does not mean that you are not personally grieving the loss of a friend.
They should have been there but maybe health reasons prevented it as they are all older. Remember Bea is older then Sophia was. In her last show Bea look good but time has slowed her some, and that was 4 years ago. They were and will always be the GGs. Lets remember them like that.
As the song says "thank you for being a friend…"
who knows
I can understand Rue McLanahan not being able to go, but Betty and Bea should have at least tried to go! On the other hand, maybe it was indeed simply too painful for the two ladies to attend Ms. Getty's funeral. I know in recent interviews on TV I'd seen with them, both looked very pained when the subject of Estelle Getty came up. Really a shame but I am sure they mourned and honored their co-star and friend in their own private way.
Re: T.K. – That's just mean dude!
Re: Beth – Wow - your aunt sounds like selfish cunt.
Oh, so what. It honestly doesn't surprise me. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. And none of them are spring chickens, let's face it. They're mostly still going, but as fierce as they all are (especially Betty White!), you can't expect 'em to hop a plane the way they used to. I doubt Estelle would be offended.
So thier reasons made not sense to ole Carl, huh? I am sorry for his loss, but how often has he been around to see the ladies his mom starred with? Is he there for Rue with her knee prob? Did he offer psychological treatment for Bea? Come on… there are tons of people who do not go to funerals, not as snubs, but for their own personal reasons…
You've got to realize all these ladies are on the older side. In fact, I think Estelle wasn't the oldest of the group. I would imagine traveling isn't as easy as it is for us young folks. I have seen the ladies on different entertainment shows over the year talking about Estelle and they have all been grieving the loss of the real Estelle for years. Give them a break….
I totally understand..not to mention they are all old…im sure there are more funerals that they can handle from time to time . Not everyone can handle a funeral sometimes young people cant. Its better for them not to attend then to go and be next in line from a heart attack or something. As long as they make contact its fine and should be understood mainly because of thier age.
Who the hell cares?
They're all getting old and have their own health problems probably. If they were in the same city then no excuse but if they had to fly in then forget it. Funerals are a waste of time anyway, enjoy your friends and relatives when they are alive.
It suprises me that none of the girls went but I'm only in my 20's and that is my all time favorite show. Rest in Peace Estelle.
I say to her son, "Get a life". The Golden Girls loved each other, but AGE has something to with it too……..it wasn't a snub at all.
People grieve in their own way. Not to mention that all of them are well into their 80s as well, so getting around is probably not as easy as it once might have been.
Things to happen that prevent you from attending events…no snub intended. My hubby's grandmother died the day after he had outpatient surgery and was unable to attend her funeral.
This made me both sad and angry.. I have seen this before. I was at the funeral of a very famous person last year and so many "friends" this beloved person one has to ask what is the value of a friend at the end of a life.. not much it seems after all. Hope the rest of the Golden Girls aren't counting on friends showing up either : (
Re: Jupej –
I agree 100 percent…
I just lost my Dad to Alzheimer's and there were a lot of people that I thought would come to his funeral but didn't (including his own brother), and a lot of people showed up that I never would have imagined they would. People grieve in their own ways and say good bye in their own way. We lost my one of my Dad's sisters to Alzheimer's last year and my uncle came, but he just couldn't deal with losing his big brother. Carl shouldn't feel snubbed, you have to let people deal with it when they are ready. We all loved "Sophia" (that is how I'll always remember her) and so did they. When someone has dementia or Alzheimers, you have already said goodbye long before their body is gone. It is the hardest disease to deal with, there is no hope. I hope the other "Golden Girls" made donations to the National Alzheimers Association, that would do more good than going to the funeral. Perez, that is another good place to give money.
Oh please, they are all so old and her son is going to get his panties in a knot over them not coming to her funeral?
Them bitches is cold.
they are in their 80's……..cut them some slack!
I am sadden to hear Estelle formar cast memebers couldn't make time for her final goodbye. None of them had a legit reason to me
I think he should shut his face! Bea and Betty are almost 90 years old! Sounds like he's creating drama and a media story. I will bet you any thing a book is coming.
thats wrong, they should have been there
We are not talking about 20 - 30 - 40 or even 60 year old women .. they are also having their health problems now. I think they don't have the strength to take off whenever they want
Funerals are depressing, I don't go to them unless it's close family, otherwise I avoid them like the plague. When someone is sick for a long time you know they are not long for this world and you make your goodbyes while they're still around.
It was not a snub! I work with people in their 80's, and they never go to funerals anymore, because that's all they'd ever do! Also, most of them are not healthy enough for planned travel, let alone sudden travel. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. I doubt they were close with the son. It sounds to me like he was looking for some 'celebrity' at the funeral and didn't get any.
Estelle was the youngest, so tat said, I am sure it is very difficult for these ladies to get around at the age they are at. Flying sucks when you're young and completely healthy, never mind in your 80's. Give the gals a break. Its really no ones business anyway. Focus on the memories not the missing peeps at a funeral. its not about that anyway.
All of these stars are old. They probably have lots of friends who are dying. Why should they HAVE to attend a funeral of a co-worker from twenty years ago. By that standard, they'd probably have to go to a funeral every week. Will you be going to your secretary-from-twenty-years-ago's funeral?
I think they showed great grace in not attending and not giving the photographers a chance to snap the three surivors standing together so that the Perez could take out his white pen and doodle on them.
Re: KDSunshine – That was a heartless, response…That was an insensitive comment…"Catch the Death"? I love all 3 of those ladies and I can understand their explanation, but they should have still been there… I'm sorry… Rue could have hired someone to escort her to the funeral by wheelchair if she had to. Betty white and Bea Arthur were in the same city, Even if they didn't stay long…They should have been there…I'm sorry. Those rude comments weren't very nice…It shows what kind of heart you have.
Re: T.K. – You know thats very evil, awful, what you said, you got a bad heart and those comments are going to come back to you tenhundredfold.
Betty and Bea are 86 years old. Rue is 74.