Pissing Off His Employers
Filed under: Film Flickers > Kate Hudson > When Celebrities Blog > Alec Baldwin > Dane Cook
Dane Cook hates the poster for his new movie, and he wants the world to know about it!
The actor just posted the following on his official blog:
"Dear Diary
Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, "My Best Friends Girl," is the best / funniest film I've done yet. It's got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It's a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.
That being said, let me address the fact that although I'm not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I'd like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.
Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:
1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.
2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.
3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.
4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!
5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.
6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit … that guys got flawless skin!"
7. Hair:
It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.
8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:
A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime
9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.
10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.
Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn't the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.
Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.
PS - "Its funny what love can make you do." I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait … it looks better.
Hey … I love my new movie. Jeez … it IS funny what love can make you do."
"as I build a solid body of work." dane cook
whose career is he thinking about?
his career is about as solid as explosive diarrhea
lmaoo omg that was really funny. I was laughing out loud so hard while reading that. Dane is so funny, his movies not so much but maybe he will redeem himself in this one.
DANE COOK SPEAKS THE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING!
wow are you serious? lol ne needs to stfd and stfu…he sounds like a fucking brat
Horrible poster.
Hilarious blog entry!!!
He's right - based on that poster I would never go see that movie. Way to chick-flicky.
lol… dat was sooo funny…
He's right. I would never go into that movie based on the poster. But after reading what he wrote, I really want to see it. He has strong opinions, I'd say!
Much as I hate Dane Cook, he's right. However, I have a shorter and less cumbersome list of what's wrong with it.
1. Kate Hudson is on it.
2. Dane cook is on it.
Seriously, and then Alex Baldwin???? That looks like the crappiest cast for a movie ever, except maybe for You, Me, and Dupree's (Hudson again!)
Dane Cook is the most unfunny piece of crap right now. He's just rash and rude with no comic elements at all. "My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina"? Asshole. If I ever see Dane "Unfunny Dickwad" Cook walking down the street (not likely as I live in Canada) I will spit in his big dumb face.
Alec Baldwin on the other hand, while a decent actor, is still a fucking dumbass and the mere sight of his clumsy hands is enough to raise my blood pressure at least to "heart attack" level.
Then there's Kate Hudson, possibly the most boring girl in Hollywood. Boring looks, boring (and needy) personality, boring EVERYTHING.
I feel really sorry for Jason Biggs.
Dane - you vain bitch. Get over it. Ew.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE MY ASSHOLE. THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT COOK, OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN GLANCED!
He is not my favorite comedian, but this cracked me up. I needed a laugh.
Dane is hilarious and completely right!
Ha if you don't think Dane is sexy and funny then you're a retard
HAHAHAH.
so funny, and so true. posters are soo messed up these days.
I feel bad for Celebrities these days. Very ungreatful for things in life. If this is the only thing Dane Cook has to worry about then he has a very sad life. Why doesn't he do something good with his fame, and since he is so worried about the way he looks why doesn't he try a god damn Microdermabrasion or Chemical Peel. I still don't understand his appeal, he really isn't that funny.
i love Dane Cook, but COME ON–NARCISSISTIC MUCH?
Dane Cook rocks
He is so right. The poster is AWFUL!
I've had a crappy day, have been sick for two days, but this just made my whole day! SO funny!
and i dont think he's being narcissistic; i honestly think he doesnt really care. i think hes just trying to be funny and make people laugh. he probably does dislike it; but he's the kinda guy that just loves to make people laugh :]
OH my GOD! I died in my office trying to control my laughter. I was in tears!
He's kinda right and very funny - love him & can't wait to see the movie.
Dane Cook is right. Before he wrote that, just by looking at it I would've assumed that it was some PG-13 romantic comedy that should have gone straight to DVD. That still may be the case, but that poster looks terribly done.
that honestly was the funniest thing i've seen all day.i almost just peed myself about twelve times over.dane cook is the man.
OMG I love him! LOL he had me laughing at the first paragraph! I want to date you Dane!
xoxo
As much as it pains me to say this, because I loathe Dane Cook - He's right. The movie poster does not represent this film at all. It is not a precious romantic comedy, as the poster suggests - Just a predictable one . . . Oh, wait . . .
haha that was quite the tear into the designer of this poster. and that being said, DUDE…it's just the poster.
He's right. Especially about his head being turned around 180 degrees and the lipstick.
I love Dane Cook. He's so fucking funny. I did nothing but laugh my ass off while reading this!
What a suck-ass cast.
everything he said was true, he is freakin hilarious.
The poster does look shitty, someone needs to do another one
LMAO…HIGHLARIOUS!!!!!!1
nobody cares as much as he does
The poster is boring in a generic way….but his comments weren't funny and half of them were ridiculously overblown and incorrect. Dane Cook sucks.
LMAO!!! Oh I love this guy, truly, truly I do. I'll go see the movie JUST B/C he said this about it!!
Very funny rant and I don't usually think he's funny.
hahaha It's all true!
What the fuck ever… He's lucky he's even in a movie to begin with. I loved him when he was first starting out now he just sucks balls. His first movie with Boobs Simpson sucked as much ass as she does and then the one with "don't call me Latina" sucked even harder. He tends to be in movies with lame actresses but they think that they make up for it with the fact that there is a lot of nudity and crappy humor.
hahahaha i love dane cook. Good for him for speaking his mind. And he's right, that poster is awful. It looks like a Denise Richards straight to DVD movie.
OMG suck it up princess
I don't like Dane Cook. He's not funny, he just yells at you and thinks that's funny. And, also, in this blog, he sounds like a 14 year old girl.
* the wrong kind of people like Dane Cook. People with no knowledge whatsoever of what is "funny".
what an asshole! and u can't tell ANYTHING about the retouching on a low res small image like that on the site. if i was retouching him i'd give him a unicorn horn. he probably has a small dick and acts nasty to waiters and taxi drivers too. i wouldn't doubt that he also fucks people over on business deals and doesn't donate to charity. putting out bad karma like that should roll right back to him
That Dane Cook is a silly bitch.
Dane Cook iz a talentless hack. Anybody can do what he does. I read this whole thing with all his "Jokes", it actually made me yawn and frown. I wish he really had Bells Palsy, that would be the only way he could make me laugh.
.
.
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I hope this movie bombs. Dane Cook iz just a bland average guy, he seems better fit to be a janitor. Just a total utter waste of human organs
LOL!! he's right and Hot too!
Perez he's mine!!
jeeeze mister know it all
all those years working in Burger king must have given him the super amount of knowledge of graphics and photoshop
Wow. He talks A LOT!
Dane was right…this poster is shiteous. but at least he made me laugh whilst reading all the reasons why it's so shitty…
None of them are good and respected actors… Jason Biggs is a funny character but we will always know him as the guy who fucked the pie… he really looks scary in that poster and Kate and Dana are just stupid looking! I am glad Dana knows how to take it with humor and I am sure his blog and it's repercusions will bring audience to the movie.. not sure if the right one though!
dane is brilliant in that he is promoting his movie by bitching about the poster in a weird way. other than that, get a life.
I totally agree with him. The poster does suck. His rants were really fucking funny though.
I personally don't think Dane Cook is entertaining at all, HOWEVER, he's completely correct on his comments about that movie poster. It's fricken' ugly.
Apparently Dane Cook is a drama queen.
WHO is Dane Cook? I've never heard of the guy? I guess I'll have to look it up.
ROFL @ his comments. He's right though, that *is* a crappy poster with some pretty bad PhotoShopping
lolol hes hilarious i actually read the whole thing
Lmao I love Dane Cook and now I actually might go see this movie. If I just saw that poster I would've laughed but for all the wrong reasons. And I would never have ever paid to see it.
love what dane said.
and that poster really is awful.
He's so freakin' hysterical. I love him!
Dane Cook is hot. But its sad he can't spell BRITNEY Spears right.
This poster is sooooooooooo plain!
He is on point!!!!
say what LOLOLOLOL
i dont think i would watch the movie tho, but DANE COOK is on point!!!!!
I thought that Dane was Ben Fucking Afflac! they should have Ryan Renolds instead of Dane cook anyways! and why would Kate Hudson be in it? I hate her! instead of re-doing the poster they should re-do the movie and have Ryan Renolds and Isla Fisher
Re: alexxx – you're so right & funny
Ego!
hahaha thats funny
but yeah dane cook's right in this.
he says that its an raunchy, edgy, rated R comedy with a little bit of romance like Wedding Crashers
and yet this poster makes it look like the movie's a lovey dovey chick flick like How To Loose a Guy in 10 Days
if i didnt read this blog but saw it in the movie theaters i'd be confused, but pleasantly confused since i like comedies more lol
Life is hard, Mr. Cook. It's even harder when you're a prick….
He is completly right. that poster sucks. If i were to see that i wouldnt think it was a comedy. My first impression would be chick flick.
Dane Cook is a cute lil slut. I bet he banged Kate
they are both sluts!
Haha, I do have to agree with him though.
damn…I shall marry dane cook