One million, billion points for Gryffindor, Hermoine Granger.
Ch-ch-check out the incredible video (above) and if you want, you can read her entire speech HERE.
"She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration.' It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."
- Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine talking about sex with tennis player Maria Sharapova