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TV Ratings For Donald Trump's Inauguration Were Tiny! Low Energy President! No Viewers — Sad!

| Filed under: TV NewsOops!Wacky, Tacky & TruePolitikBusted!Donald TrumpBusiness BlitzHIGHlariousFunnyAmazingCrazzzzyReality TVViral: NewsControversy

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Low energy President — bad TV ratings! Sad!

Donald Trump's inauguration was a pathetic response to his predecessor's first swearing-in, according to new TV ratings numbers put out by Nielsen this morning and reported by THR and others.

Related: Madonna's Live TV 'Fuck You' Was Better Than Trump

According to the numbers, the new 45th President of the United States earned himself a

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Alanis Morissette's Manager Had One Hand In HER Pocket… Holding $4.8 MILLION In Embezzled Funds!!

| Filed under: Legal MattersAlanis MorissetteBusted!Business BlitzControversy

Alanis Morissette

With business managers like these, who needs enemies?!

We told you last year that Alanis Morissette's was SCREWED out of millions of dollars when she discovered her former business manager Jonathan Schwartz stole close to $5 million from her estate — and now he's admitting to the whole thing!

On Wednesday, the sketchy businessman submitted court papers saying he embezzled over $6.5 million from his clients — including $4.8 million just from the Ironic singer. Wowza!

Related: Alanis Breastfeed Baby Girl Onyx In New Selfie!

You may remember Jonathan initially claimed he used the dough to finance a pot farm business at Ms. Morissette's request — but the creative's reps vehemently deny this wild assertion.

Under Schwartz's plea agreement, he will probably only face four to six of the maximum penalty of 23 years in federal prison once he pleads guilty.

He's due in U.S. District Court on February 1.

[Image via FayesVision/WENN.]

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Dance Moms' Abby Lee Miller Thinks 'Public Humiliation' Is Punishment Enough For Her Crimes

| Filed under: Legal MattersBusted!Reality TVTLC

Abby Lee Miller is facing five years in jail!

Wellllll, that's not exactly how Dance Moms' Abby Lee Miller wants it to work!

As we previously reported, the TLC star plead guilty to bankruptcy fraud charges back in June, but she's making every attempt not to go to jail for her actions!

Abby is facing five years behind bars AND a $5 million fine for the over $700,000 in income she chose to conceal back in 2010.

Related: Future & Ciara Finally Done With Custody Battle

Now after her emotional plea back in September, Abby's team made one final attempt this week… just days before her sentencing. According to a new report, her attorneys are hoping to get the reality TV star a probation sentence.

They claim:

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Meghan Markle's Half-Brother Speaks Out After Being Arrested For Pointing A Gun To His Girlfriend's Head

| Filed under: Icky Icky PooBusted!ViolencePrince HarryDysfunctional Families

Thomas Markle Jr. and Meghan Markle

Well, this probably isn't the news the royal family wanted to hear…

Meghan Markle's half-brother, Thomas Markle, Jr., was arrested on Thursday after he allegedly held a gun to his girlfriend Darlene Blount's head during a heated argument.

(Note: this is the same half-brother who gave the extensive interview about Meghan's father having met Prince Harry.)

According to court documents, Blount called the cops after locking herself in the bathroom during the altercation:

"Markle and Blount got into an argument. In his drunken state Markle grabbed a gun and pressed it to Blount's head in an attempt to get her to leave."

The 50-year-old was charged with menacing, pointing a firearm, and unlawful use of a weapon.

Yikes.

Related: Kate Middleton Meets Meghan!

In the aftermath of the arrest, Markle's 24-year-old son Tyler gave a statement to The Sun on his father's behalf, saying:

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Connecticut Politician Arrested For Following Donald Trump's Lead And Grabbing A Woman's P*ssy!

| Filed under: Icky Icky PooLegal MattersPolitikBusted!Donald TrumpViolenceBodySexDisgusting!Viral: NewsControversy

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Welcome to Trumpmerica.

After we learned last year that Donald Trump audibly admitted to grabbing women "by the p*ssy," we're disgusted to reveal he's not the only one.

Last week, Greenwich, Connecticut's Representative Town Meeting chair, Christopher von Keyserling, was arrested for fourth-degree sexual assault, after he allegedly pinched a female town worker's genitalia at the Nathaniel Witherell Home back in December.

Related: Trump's Tweets About Congressman John Lewis Are Awful

According to the Westport Daily Voice, the arrest warrant explains the 71-year-old and the unnamed woman were having a heated discussion about politics, when Christopher said "it was a new world politically," and felt he was free to be offensive, saying:

"I love this new world, I no longer have to be politically correct."

When the 57-year-old appeared disgusted by that stance, Mr. von Keyserling exclaimed she's "nothing but a bloodsucking lazy union employee," causing her to walk away and into her office.

But, the police doc says the Connecticut politician followed her,

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