Check out Robert Pattinson's LOLtastic appearance on David Letterman last night (above)!

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She wouldn't budge!

Penelope Cruz appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman yesterday and Dave didn't beat around the bush when he asked the actress if she was engaged to actor Javier Bardem.

Penelope laughed and replied, "I don't feel comfortable talking about my private life in public."

Engagement rumors began when Pene sported a big old sapphire and diamond ring on her left hand in October during the Broken Embraces premiere.

Letterman continued to press the issue with Penelope and she responded:

"I've been here a few times with you, you know I'm tough. One thing I don't do, I don't lie about my personal life. It's sacred to me. It's my life. But I don't give details about it because I am allergic to that."

Dave followed up with, "So you know, but you don't want to tell me?" and Cruz confirmed, "I know, but I choose not to share some things."

We know you're a notoriously private couple, but with all the laughing and refusal to answer the question leads us to believe one thing: You're one lucky girl and totally engaged to that hot piece of man!

[Image via Anthony Dixon / WENN.]

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Things are getting very serious between Madonna and boy toy Jesus Luz!

The 51-year-old Queen of Pop is off to meet Jesus' parents, Cristiane Regina da Silva and Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz.

According to a source close to the family, the cougar:

"Really does love and need Jesus - and she does not hold all the power in their relationship. He grew up with strong Christian beliefs. He wants to marry and be taken seriously. She doesn't want to lose Jesus and so the visit to his parents is her way of saying she will make this relationship permanent. He wants proof of commitment and he wants her to make an honest man of him."

Sounds a little demanding to us! But if Jesus thinks "an honest man" means having a career that he probably would have never had if he wasn't dating her, then she's well on her way.

What's even more shocking is there's buzz that meeting his parents means wedding bells could be in the future!

Madonna biographer Randy Taraborrelli reveals she is "telling close friends and family that 'I definitely see myself marrying him. It's on the table'."

We have a hard time believing that, especially after her appearance on Letterman when she said she'd "rather get run over by a train" than re-marry.

Maybe they should take a cue from the Jolie-Pitts. That's working out just fine!

[Image via Fame Pictures.]

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Bill Cosby was seen leaving The David Letterman Show last night and he looks…different.

We haven't seen him out and about in awhile, but he's really packed on some pounds!

Lay off the pudding pops a bit, Bill! It's for your own good!

[Image via Fame Pictures.]

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Though David Letterman's sexcapades with female staffers could have cost of him his legendary late night show, it doesn't seem like American audiences really care.

His ratings are still solid!

Whether people are tuning in to support him or hate him, they are tuning in and viewership has even grown by 10% compared to last year. The Late Show's weekly average rating in the adults 18-49 demographic has been a consistent 1.0 or 1.1, and has held steady an average of 4.4 million total viewers.

Guess in Dave's case, sex sells!

Let's see if it has the same affect for Jimmy Kimmel.

[Image via AP Images.]

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During a visit to Late Night with David Letterman, Tina Fey discussed some extremely personal deets about her love-giving timeline.

It turns out that Tina was a virgin until she was 24-years old - and the deflowerer was none other than her future husband and father of her child, Jeff Richmond.

Something she credits to not having the wigs, fans and "gay magic" that made her look so hawt on the cover of November's Harper's Bazaar.

Watch the clip (above) to see the HIGHlarious confession!

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Quinnipiac University in Connecticut isn't taking the David Letterman scandal lightly. The university is involved with The Late Show's internship program and they are going to be observing the situation much more closely from now on.

A university rep says:

"Due to recent circumstances we will have a discussion with those in charge of placing our interns at the David Letterman show in the future. We will diligently oversee this internship program to ensure that our interns are out of harm's way."

What does that even mean?!

We think this is a touch ridiculous as college-aged women are adults more than capable of making their own decisions — whether that means getting laid on the job by the boss or not!

[Image via WENN.]

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Can't these guys find someone who's NOT on the payroll?

After the break-up with his girlfriend of 5 years Sarah Silverman earlier this year, Jimmy Kimmel has found love again - with an employee!!!

The late night host has been dating Molly McNearey, a longtime staffer on his show, for several months!

"After Jimmy and Sarah broke up, Molly and Jimmy both found themselves single, and they clicked," claims a source. "They're really happy together."

McNearey began as an assistant to the executive producer of Live! in July 2003, and 3 years later was promoted to the writing staff. She has held a co-head writer position since May 2008.

And although it may seem like a Letterman-esque foray, an insider insists that "during work hours, they keep things professional."

Of course, they do!

And we bet they don't shit where they eat either!

[Image via WENN.]

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His wife must feel like a giant a-hole!

Apparently, David Letterman felt that it was necessary to have select staff accompany him on family vacations!

And we're sure you can guess who that staffer was - the mistress of the moment, Stephanie Birkitt!

Birkitt, who was making $200,000 a year as Letterman's assistant, went with the late show host, his then girlfriend Regina Lasko and six-year old son to St. Barts at the height of their illicit affair.

We're pretty sure his now wife, Regina must have been blind!

She actually believed that the much younger assistant was an innocent friend and co-worker!

But, that's coming from the woman who waited around 23 years for a man to marry her!!!

It was even reported that the two took hikes together last fall at Letterman's Montana ranch.

So, it wasn't JUST about the sex?!

He should be very proud!

A clASS act!

[Image via AP Images.]

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