Selena Gomez really opened up for this Vogue interview (her first)!
We are both surprised and delighted by her frank approach (although she doesn't address The Weeknd at all, natch), as she talks honestly about her struggles with fame, anxiety, and depression.
Related: Watch Selena's Thirteen Reasons Why Trailer
As you know, the 24-year-old checked into a psychiatric facility in Tennessee in summer 2016 after canceling her Revival tour with 30 shows left to go.
Now, the actress and singer explained exactly what preceded the cancellation, saying:
"Tours are a really lonely place for me. My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn't good enough, wasn't capable. I felt I wasn't giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion."
"I was so used to performing for kids. At concerts I used to make the entire crowd raise up their pinkies and make a pinky promise never to allow anybody to make them feel that they weren't good enough. Suddenly I have kids smoking and drinking at my shows, people in their 20s, 30s, and I'm looking into their eyes, and I don't know what to say. I couldn't say, ‘Everybody, let's pinky-promise that you're beautiful!' It doesn't work that way, and I know it because I'm dealing with the same shit they're dealing with. What I wanted to say is that life is so stressful, and I get the desire to just escape it. But I wasn't figuring my own stuff out, so I felt I had no wisdom to share. And so maybe I thought everybody out there was thinking, This is a waste of time."
Selena was exposed to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) during her treatment, and has become very vocal about how much it helped her, in addition to the group therapy she participated in.
"DBT has completely changed my life. I wish more people would talk about therapy. We girls, we're taught to be almost too resilient, to be strong and sexy and cool and laid-back, the girl who's down. We also need to feel allowed to fall apart. You have no idea how incredible it felt to just be with six girls [at the treatment center]. Real people who couldn't give two shits about who I was, who were fighting for their lives. It was one of the hardest things I've done, but it was the best thing I've done."
She also addressed her Instagram fatigue, and how she's still not ready to return to it completely. In fact, she's even deleted the app from her phone, and now only her assistant has access.
"As soon as I became the most followed person on Instagram, I sort of freaked out. It had become so consuming to me. It's what I woke up to and went to sleep to. I was an addict, and it felt like I was seeing things I didn't want to see, like it was putting things in my head that I didn't want to care about. I always end up feeling like shit when I look at Instagram. Which is why I'm kind of under the radar, ghosting it a bit."
We're sure her 110 million followers are missing her, though!
There are some strong hints throughout the Vogue piece that Selena would love to take a break from it all, even after her stay at the treatment center, but then she pretty much admitted as much in the end, saying:
"Look, I love what I do, and I'm aware of how lucky I am, but—how can I say this without sounding weird? I just really can't wait for people to forget about me."
We don't think that'll happen anytime soon, but we hope the young woman has safeguards in place to keep her mentally healthy so she can continue doing what she loves without letting the more negative aspects get to her.
We're rooting for her!
Make sure to check out her gorgeous shoot in the gallery (above)!
[Image via Vogue.]
Tags: april 2017, april cover, april issue, cover shot, instagram, selena gomez, spread 'em, the weeknd, vogue