The willingness to help people out and place their needs above yours is a great quality to have. However, that quality can quickly become a hinderance if you can't stop trying to please people! Sometimes you have to think about your needs first!
A FitPerez reader wondering how to break the habit of constantly pleasing others wrote to life coach Dr. J for some advice, asking:
How can I stop being a people pleaser?
According to Dr. J:
Being fast and furious to please others can handicap your own happiness and health, but don't ever feel like you have to derail your devotion to please. Perhaps you should Evaluate and Examine your endgame. What's your motivation? Are you pleasing for Profit, Pleasure, or Prestige, or are you Purely Philanthropic? Selfless Souls usually don't concern themselves with standing ovations, let alone encores. If your intentions are pure, perhaps it's time to please in a way that makes YOU feel good along with others.
How do You detox your day from continuing to delight others in a way that is detrimental to your own happiness? Weaning yourself from wanting to please people can be as challenging as quitting smoking, the craps tables and sugar. The key to your success? Discernment! When those people pleasing pings and pangs start pulsing from within, remain cool, calm and collected. Don't be impulsive. Fools rush in! Put your people pleasing impulse on pause and calibrate it to a power that truly pleases YOU! Decide whether you will feel + or - after you make the effort to benefit someone else. You should feel better, not worse!
When you decide to please, you'll be doing it for the personal satisfaction, NOT because you feel a guilty obligation or because someone has greedy expectations. Embrace your people pleasing skills and saddle them for the long haul. People will respect that you are taking the reins when it comes to your power to please.
If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!
Tags: ability, advice, characteristic, dr. j, help, life coach, motivation, performance, pleasing people