The NFL commish finally spoke today to address the league's poor handling of each scandal, saying:
[Image via AP Images.]
First, let us preface this by saying this does not give you permission to run around the mall, squeezing every pair of boobs you see then screaming: "Saved your life, saved your life!"
Researchers at UC Berkeley found that physical force on breasts can actually prevent malignant breast cells trying to trigger cancer.
"People have known for centuries that physical force can influence our bodies. When we lift weights our muscles get bigger. The force of gravity is essential to keeping our bones strong. Here we show that physical force can play a role in the growth - and reversion - of cancer cells."
So the cells that were malignant, after a little squeeze, suddenly began behaving like normal cells again!
We feel like after reading this study, you find out it was conducted by a creepy guy in his parents basement and he's offering walk-in consultations.
But nope! It's for real. Though the results were only found out in a lab setting on cell samples. Still, a little extra booby massage couldn't hurt now and again, could it?? LOLz!
[Image via Wikimedia Commons.]