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If U Don't Like To Swallow Your Partner's Semen, U Can Now Mix It Into Drinks!! LOLz

| Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TrueSexSTDCrazzzzy

semen cocktails(1)
semen mojito(1)

Yeah, we're NOT lying!!!

Author Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer just finished writing his new semen cocktail cookbook, Semenology: The Semen Bartender's Handbook, and while we automatically gagged when we saw the title, Photenhauer actually has a good reason as to why he put together his second book.

In the recipe manual, Paul teaches us how to create drinks using mint, zest, lemon and err… sperm. But just when we wanted to spit up our lunch, the author notes:

"If you want your partner to swallow, you should be willing to eat your own semen — I mean, it's your semen. Then I started thinking about it. People eat all kinds of weird shit. Eggs are the menstruation of chickens. Milk is the mammary excretion from cows. Semen is… at least it's fresh and you know who the producer is."

But don't go jerking someone off so you can stir up a tasty cocktail just yet. Creating food or drinks with semen has major health risks if you don't know that it's safe.

Paul said:

"If the food is thoroughly cooked, well-cooked, to destroy any life forms in the semen, like any viruses… that would be my first concern."

Which of course makes a lot of sense because you can easily contract an STD or HIV by drinking someone's jizz who might have a disease.

And we all know we've heard that spuzz has protein in it, but don't think that you'll be able to throw back some little swimmers to replace a hardy protein shake.

With that said, if you do decide to pick up Photenhauer's book, he recommends that you only shake up cocktails with man milk that you're familiar with because staying safe is what matters the most.

Now we know why women choose big schlongs over small ones… bigger penises probably produce more jizz, which probably make for better drinks.



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8 comments to “If U Don't Like To Swallow Your Partner's Semen, U Can Now Mix It Into Drinks!! LOLz”

  1. Nat says – reply to this


    I…I don't know what to say.

  2. kandycane says – reply to this


    If i was a man, i would divorce a woman that would do this. She's a big nasty slut. And…i hate. I mean hate using the word slut

  3. victoria says – reply to this


    this is amazing

  4. 4

    lets just say i had a few cocktails in my time

    omg perez thoughts.. does spitting it in count

    god ur terrrible perez lollllllllll U KILL ME EVERYDAY LOLLLLLLL

  5. 5

    and if ur gagging and spitting up ur lunch perez i guess that depends on what ur lunch is.

  6. Ronnie's Old Friend says – reply to this


    Hi to an old friend who will undoubtedly find this news item, read the comments, and realize I'm waving to the one who used to tell me in Cali-girl style with that cute pout, "I need my protein drink." No problems swallowing there. Seems like you're well; I'm glad.

  7. 7

    Wonder if the writer had a few drinks

  8. 8

    UGH so gross. Makes me gag just thinking about it.