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Local Man Eats 413 Red Lobster Biscuits, Enters World's Most Avoidable Coma!

| Filed under: Icky Icky PooWacky, Tacky & TrueFoodSickScary!

kevin shalin red lobster cheese buscuits 415 coma gross icky food restaurant

OF COURSE we're hearing about this on a Monday! Nothing like this ever happens on a Thursday, Thursdays are normal as shizz! Ha!

Listen, we're all for Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay Biscuits: they're delicious. They're unhealthy, but they taste awesome! We are NOT all for eating more than like two of them, let alone over 400.

A local food writer did not think like we do, though, and consumed 413 of them — and he was immediately sent to a hospital, where he has slipped into a coma. Now when people joke about going into a 'food coma' after eating a lot and being sleepy, they know that it's a real thing, and is no laughing matter!

Kevin Shalin is better known as The Mighty Rib, where he spoke about not eating at a Red Lobster since he was 5 years old. Here's what another writer said what happened:

“He had no clue what to expect. He sat down at the bar while we were waiting on a table and he decided to try one of the biscuits. He thought they were the most wonderful thing he ever placed in his mouth.”

If you didn't know, the biscuits are free and unlimited, and about 150 calories each. They have approximately 1/8th of a stick of butter in each — so Kevin ate the equivalent of 51.5 sticks of butter. Another guest said this:

“After he ate the first one he looked at us and asked if the biscuits are really free. I said ‘heck yeah those are free, eat as many as you want’. After about 30 I see him over asking the manager what was the record for most biscuits ate. He just came back and said I think I can do 415, and started really digging in. His beard was covered in crumbs.”

Apparently he felt dizzy after #412, and was encouraged to stop. He didn't, though, and his brilliant decision to do an impromptu eating contest resulted in him falling to the ground convulsing. Apparently the butter from the biscuits have blocked signals coming from his brain.

An official statement says that they have drained approximately TWO GALLONS of butter already and expect him to make a full recovery.

We're glad he's okay, but maybe he shouldn't be making his own decisions from here on out! LOLz!

[Image via Rocky Times.]

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4 comments to “Local Man Eats 413 Red Lobster Biscuits, Enters World's Most Avoidable Coma!”

  1. hannah says – reply to this


    This is a satire piece, which is what this website specializes in. That is why on the top of the article it say americas 2nd most unreliable news source. This is a joke.

  2. jenniferw says – reply to this


    That's not a real story. It's from a spoof news site in Little Rock, called Rock City News.

  3. IRISHINCH says – reply to this


    FAKE NEWS, PEREZ. Come on.

  4. el walker says – reply to this


    Please check Snopes (or the Onion) when you see something this ridic and are tempted to pass it along. I know it's hard being in LA and distinguishing satire from fact, but we're counting on you. (Affectionate critique!)