We can not stop being SO proud of Jason Collins for breaking the mold and coming out to the world, but one person is still struggling with his revelation: Carolyn Moos, his ex-fiancée.
Granted, Collins broke up with Moos long before he came out as gay, but she is still struggling with all of it, and penned a column for Cosmo’s August issue.
In the piece, she talks about when they dated, their relationship and how she’s coping now.
She starts by saying:
“A month before I was set to marry the man I loved, he called off the wedding. I had no idea why. He and I had been together for eight years. We had planned to have children, build a family. Nearly four years later, I got my answer. My former fiancé, Jason Collins, a pro basketball player with the Washington Wizards, announced last spring in Sports Illustrated that he is gay… Reporters zoomed in on me, thrusting my name into the news… I'm sharing what I've learned from my experience in hopes that it might help others.”
She then talked about how Jason called everything off, saying it was “surreal” and adding, “There were no tangible reasons, no explanations.”
Moos then tells the inneresting story of how they met, and eventually ended up together, throwing in touching things like:
“We pushed each other to be our best. On one visit, I remember taking a nap after a day of hard training, and he woke me up by rubbing a rose across my face, telling me how much he believed in me. Another time, he told me that I was his soul mate and I was meant for him.”
No wonder she loved the guy so much!
Collins’ ex then goes on to talk about how they got engaged, and her relief since she was pushing 30. Carolyn also went into detail about the NBA player’s call to her when he told Moos that he was gay. She said:
“We talked again briefly that night. He answered a few questions, but there was much left to discuss and he said he had to go. As I tell this story, it has been several weeks since he told me his news and he has made no further time to talk, despite saying he would do so. I am sad that the media seems to be a higher priority. I hope this changes in the coming weeks, as I value open dialogue more than anything.
I can't imagine what it's like to go through all the stages he has gone through, all the deep layers. I don't know what it's like to wear a mask for 34 years. It's sad that society puts that kind of pressure on a person. I also understand the macho stereotypes men face in the NBA. I ran up against a reverse stereotype in the WNBA: People said I was too "feminine" to be a pro player. I quickly proved them wrong, showing that my nail polish and dresses had nothing to do with my ability to compete on the court.
I empathize with Jason and support him. But at the same time, I remain deeply hurt by him. I wish he could have been honest with me years ago. I feel like there are two Jasons now—the man I fell in love with and the man I'm trying so hard to understand.”
We can’t even begin to understand Miz Moos’ confusion, but she has to realize that whatever she’s going through pales in comparison to what Collins had to deal with for so many years, right?
Being “feminine” is much different than having to hide who you are.
Moos finishes up by saying she’s going to write a book about the situation, and adds:
“I understand now that you can never truly know what's going on in the mind of another person, no matter how well you think you know them. But you do know yourself. Be your own cheerleader. Trust in yourself.”
Being who you are is SO important because at the end of the day, you spend more time with yourself than anyone else!
[Image via Cosmo and Josiah True/WENN.]
Tags: august 2013, august issue, basketball, carolyn moos, cosmopolitan, gay, jason collins