The D.A. even charged Ray J with sexual battery, despite the fact that police have said no crime of the sort was actually committed.
[Image via Instagram.]
He's a Redditor with two arms, two legs, an iPhone, and zero ass cracks. Not one!
After having "multiple surgeries" on the pilonidal cysts congregating on his derriere, doctors elected to stitch shut his butt crack because they thought it would allow him to better heal.
So now his ass crack is sealed up tighter than a bank vault!
Most folks with this condition would likely shy away from the spotlight, but not TBoneTheOriginal. Inspired, perhaps, by the dude with two dongs who recently did his own Reddit AMA, the crack-less man decided to become an internet hero of his own and answer questions about his unusual malady.
This happened because of severe pilonidal cysts. I've had multiple surgeries on it, and instead of the usual procedure which involves letting it heal, mine was so bad that a plastic surgeon had to close it up. But they keep coming back, and it'll probably just get worse as I age.
Edit: To answer a couple questions: My butthole looks the same as anyone else's! The wound just goes very close to it. Trust me, you don't want to see it. Second, I poop like anyone else. Just gotta be careful with wiping..
Whoa! Some might view this man's lack of an ass crack as a disability or make him the butt of jokes, in fact, but this is the type of affliction a plumber would kill for!
Ch-ch-check out the potentially NSFW close-up pics of his crack-free ass (below)!
Several cruel Redditors poked fun at his condition, but TBoneTheOriginal graciously turned the other cheek! Well, technically speaking he only has one big cheek, but you get our point!
Still, the masses were persistent with one question — how exactly does this man wipe?
"Carefully. The only concern is getting poo into the open wound. But after 8 years of surgeries, I'm pretty used to it."
Carefully indeed! Poo in an open wound sounds more than a smidgen unsanitary! In fact, Viet Cong sprinkled feces on "Punji traps" during the Vietnam war in the hopes of tricking unsuspecting American soldiers into falling into them, injuring themselves, and ultimately having their wound get infected by the toxicity of the poop!
Speaking of Vietnam, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh apparently dodged that draft back in the day because he too had debilitating pilonidal cysts.
In any event, we thank TBoneTheOriginal for shedding light on his, uhh, seamless medical condition! We feel totes enlightened now!
Also, we're not gonna lie, if the dude with two dongs and the dude with no ass crack made a porno together, we'd def watch it just to see what fits where!
[Image via Reddit/TBoneTheOriginal.]