WARNING: SEVERE SARCASM AHEAD!
Oh my god, you guys! We are so screwed! North Korea is about to become the best at all sports and athletic endeavors!
The nation’s top scientists unveiled a new sports drink this week that’s made from MUSHROOMS! Damn it! We should have known those fungus-filled plants were the key to replenishing your body's electrolytes!
The Microbiological Research Institute of the State Academy of Sciences debuted this Gatorade-esque elixir explaining that:
"This natural drink is very effective in enhancing physical ability of sportspersons and recovering from their fatigues.”
The discovery comes on the heels of the opening of a new Central Mushroom Research Institute in the capital city of Pyongyang. Kim Jong-un has visited the facility himself and probably was the first to try this new sports drink.
He was unavailable for comment, probably because he’s too busy dunking basketballs and hitting holes in one like a BOSS!
Okay… let’s pull the sarcastic train into the station for a minute…
Like most things that come out of North Korea, this is just wrapped up in sadness. North Korea’s interest in growing mushrooms is nothing more than a pathetic attempt to feed its already starving nation. The Asian dictatorship has struggled with food production for some time. More than 1 million people are believe to have died since the famine of the 1990s.
North Koreans receive much of their food through state-run rations programs. Which means, they might be eating an awful lot of mushrooms!
Now it makes sense why these scientists would turn to shrooms for a sports drink. It’s really one of the only ingredients they have to work with.
We’ll have to wait and see if the power of the fungus really does help all of their country’s “sportspersons.”
We aren’t holding our breaths though…
We just wish something could be done to help those good people over there that have done nothing to deserve the state of lives.
Tags: drink, food, gatorade, gifs, health, icky icky poo, kim jong un, north korea, people, powerade, science, science!, sports