Oh boy. Bringing in a new mom and siblings into a family is a very sensitive subject.
Luckily, Perezitos.com contributor Dr. J is here to help.
A Perezcious reader asked:
My mom and dad are divorced and my dad is getting remarried next month. I really don't like my new step-mother and my sister and I don't want to go to the wedding. My dad says he will be very hurt if we don't go but I can't change how I feel. Why can't he see that his new wife is going to change everything?
I know the Bible doesn't say honor your step-mother, but it does say honor your father. I'm guessing your ultimate loyalties lie forevermore with your mother, but even if this is about feeling personally passed over by your father for another woman in his life, it's time to take a step back and consider the possibility that your father has found happiness and he wants to share that with you and your sister. Your Dad wants You and your sister to be a part of his life and he is including You not excluding You, so why are you feeling left out? You may not be seeing clearly right now because you are harboring so much hurt from the past. It's very challenging to comprehend change when you ache all over, and it's ok to feel hurt. But remember you are the only one that suffers when you carry that baggage with you. Perhaps now is the time to break free from those feelings that have been weighing you down. Weddings are a symbol of a fresh start, a new beginning, so why don't you make this event a fresh start for you and your dad in your own way. We live in a World of whatever suits the Self. YOU have the power to choose between Selfless or Selfish. Your happiness has clearly been ruptured along the way, while your father's happiness has been replenished. You deserve to be happy, too! I know you might not see the long-term value in this experience, but it might have lasting benefits that will strengthen your relationship with your dad and open a door to a new friendship with his new wife. Don't get me wrong - there are growing pains when You are getting to know someone, especially when the road has been rocky up to this point. But, be open to the possibility that your life will be overflowing with love from a growing family circle. At the end of the day, you still have the right to not dig your new step-mother. Before you come to that conclusion, put in the work, roll up your sleeves, and dig deep before You judge your step-mother, and hopefully she's willing to do the same. And in the meantime, take the first step and be a witness to your father's nuptials.
It just takes patience!
Great advice, as always, Dr. J.
And, if you've got a question about family or health, get in touch with the doc at @AskDocJ on Twitter!