I’m pregnant! What does that mean? Well, let’s just state the obvious: I have a bun in the oven and I’m gonna be a mother. Someone’s Mama. A role model, a rule maker, a caregiver, the Commander in Chief. Bigger than Big Bird, you betcha, when it comes to a little person’s life.
If you’ve picked up this book, you’re probably in the same situation. Congrats! Whether you were pleasantly surprised or it’s been a long journey (it certainly has been for me), welcome to the club! Go ahead; give yourself a pat on the back and a thunderous round of applause. Not everyone can do this (guys, for example). I don’t know about you, but I feel like Superwoman. The power! The head rush! I feel like I could do anything: climb mountains, swim oceans, run with the bulls…
But I should warn you — this baby bliss won’t last forever. For me, it started to wind down when I couldn’t see my toes, keep food down, stop farting or find anything besides a small tent that would fit me. No, I was not feelin’ like Ms. Fabulous in those moments. (And lucky me, they got to be televised for the whole world to see on my reality show.) But that’s when I told myself that when it sucks, I’ll just laugh. I’ll laugh even when I feel more like screaming or crying or strangling my husband for knocking me up. Because you have to keep things in perspective and keep your sense of humor when the world around you is spinning out of control.
Will I screw up? Absolutely. Will I break down? Several times a day. But in the end, I am The Queen of All Things (and my hormones are raging, so you better agree…). And so are you. You’re the Boss. Not your husband (sorry, honey), not your mother in law, not your well-meaning best girlfriend who wants you to give birth in a bathtub. You decide how this pregnancy is going to go, how you want to deliver your baby (barring any medical emergency), whether you want to breastfeed or go with formula (my boobs, my rules, I always say). Sometimes I feel sometimes like my head is going to explode with all the information that is being shoved in my face. My advice? You take what feels right, what works for you, and leave the rest behind. Start listening to your developing mama instinct. Yes, you should be well-informed and know your options, but in the end, you follow your gut. And trust me…by the time you hit the second trimester that gut is hard to miss.
This book is not meant to stress you out or dictate what you should do. It’s my take on my journey, from month 1 to Delivery and beyond! It’s the questions I asked my OB and the strategies I used to cope with every situation that arose, expected and unexpected, in the hopes that what I have been through and learned along the way can help you. You too can hide your burgeoning belly from coworkers for several months, tell well-meaning moms to keep their opinions to themselves (politely!) and stifle the urge to puke every time you smell food, all while looking sexy as you grow to the size of a small semi truck. I did it and my experiences may not be yours (hopefully, you won’t have as much gas), but every woman goes through her own adventure en route to Mommyhood. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, it’s a roller coaster–that explains the nausea. I hope to help you get through it with dignity and style.
And you’re not alone. I am in it with you. I admit that despite my bravado, I was scared out of my mind from Day 1. I actually find it hysterically funny that people call it “expecting” because I had no idea what to expect! How could I, when I know nothing about babies and pregnancy? I haven’t done this before. Ever. And mind you, they don’t teach Surviving Pregnancy 101 in college. If they did, we’d all probably be too scared to sign up for it. I am not one of those mothers that had been preparing to give birth since she was 2. I was focusing on my education and my career. I’m learning as I go along. I’m winging it, big time.
And soon enough, I’ll be stronger, wiser and watching The Wiggles. I’m okay with it. All of it. Because in the end, I’m going to have a brand new baby boy and I can say, I did it. I rock. I am Mama, hear me roar!
Are you prepared to be a mom?
Well, you bought this book, so you better be! Or at least, be up for the challenge! Answer True or False to the following statements then check your score below:
1. Only wimps need sleep.
2. I prefer watching Barney over The Real Housewives.
3. I could change a diaper with one hand, hanging upside down, with my eyes closed.
4. I know that Yo Gabba Gabba is not Spanish for “I like to gossip…”
5. Showers are totally overrated.
6. I could stand to gain a few pounds…like, seventy.
7. Eau de Spit Up would make a lovely perfume.
8. I know what a Boppy is and I’m not afraid to use it.
9. I’m totally psyched to taste strained peas.
10. I’m cool with never again having a) a minute to myself b) boobs that defy gravity and c) sex with my husband.
If you answered True to all or most of the above, then congrats-you are either 100 percent ready to be a Mother, or you cheated on this quiz.
If you answered False to all or most of the above, welcome to the thrilling, terrifying, totally bizarre world of pregnancy and motherhood. You’re in the same boat that I was in-namely clueless and trying to cram everything you need to know into the next nine months.
I thought I was a quick study-but this stuff is tough and sometimes deceiving. Case in point:
“You’re registering for a Diaper Genie, right?” a friend asked me early in my pregnancy.
“You mean a big blue dude who will show up in my nursery and wipe my baby’s butt for me? Sign me up!”
It’s a lot to take in, I won’t lie. But in the end, you’ll be an expert in all things having to do with your baby. And one of the things you’ll discover along the way is that a Diaper Genie is a garbage can that twists your kids’ Pampers into a little sausage link that doesn’t stink. Seriously — how cool is that?