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Beverly D’Angelo is the actress who starred as Chevy Chase's wife, Ellen Griswold in the National Lampoon's Vacation movies and as Barbara Miller on Entourage.
She also has two kids, twins Anton and Olivia, who are now 11, with her ex, Al Pacino.
"As a co-parent, you have to remember that what you're doing is giving your children an example of conflict resolution, and it's a mighty gift to give to anybody."
When asked how her twins were doing, she said:
"They’re doing great – they’re 11 now. I was just in Columbus, Ohio, my hometown, where I was visiting my family. Good friends of one of my brother’s are expecting twins and I found myself passing along so much twin advice."
What was some of that great twin advice?
"What I realized in talking to this mother-to-be, what seems to matter the most to first-time parents of twins is worrying about one-on-one with each of them. But I will tell you the truth, especially about newborn twins. Twins are a phenomenon, and they’ve been together since they were conceived. Every parent wants to have that valuable one-on-one time. But they grow with you as you grow with them. You don’t need to feel guilty, especially in those early months, because they’re very linked. And actually, taking them away from one another is a dynamic to understand, as well as your need to be with them alone.
It’s like when you meet a couple. You would never think, ‘Let me isolate them so I can get to know them better.’ Of course that happens and your friendship grows, but it wouldn’t occur to you to think, ‘The only way I can get to know these people is to separate them.’
Even the sibling rivalry manifests itself differently with twins. Even to this day, it’s hard not to say, ‘I spent this amount of time with my daughter so I should carve out the exact same time with my son.’ It’s more fluid than that. Twins can actually teach you a lot of flexibility and they can enlarge your heart."
Her best advice for parents who co-parent?
"My best advice for parents who co-parent together, without sounding too cliché, is always acting in the best interest of the children. It’s a cliché because it’s the truth.
I was very well-advised on how to transition from an intact family, to a two-household family. There was all this stuff in the press that was wrong and erroneous and slamming me a lot. But I never responded or clarified anything and that is because someone said to me, ‘Imagine the children at 15 and they’re taking a look at their past in a way that 15-year-olds will be able to do. What do you want to represent to them?’
As a co-parent, you have to remember that what you’re doing is giving your children an example of conflict resolution, and it’s a mighty gift to give to anybody. In this world, the ability to resolve conflicts in a loving and enlightened way is probably the greatest gift you could ever give to anybody. Not everybody sees things the way you do, and it’s important to see the other person’s point of view – to accommodate, to accept a value system that might be different than yours. All that stuff is an example that you’re giving your children.
The absolute worst thing you could ever, ever, ever do to your children, is to involve your children with any facet of the personal relationship you may have with your ex. You have to remember that your ex is the person that your children love."
That's a whole lotta advice!
And she has even more of it too!
Check out the rest of her interview HERE!
[Image via Joseph Marzullo/WENN.]
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