Having trouble picking out a present for that baby shower you've been invited to?
Don't know what first time parents really want or need?
"1. One handed food (and luke-warm drinks).
Because you never think about it until you’re trying to awkwardly hold a baby while attempting to eat spaghetti and not splatter it on them. You have no idea how important this is not just for your new mom friend, but her husband too. Lest he hand her a scalding hot cup of coffee and be all: "Why are you glaring at me, honey? Oh – hey! Don’t spill that on the baby!"
2. So much Purell she'll think you're kidding.
Trust us. People will want to touch the new baby and you don’t know where those dirty bastards have been. It’s perfectly OK for a new mom to stare at someone trying to touch their newborn with dirty hands like a crazy ass killer until they use it, and only then allow them access to your precious, mewling critter. That’s totally normal, you guys. Keep one in the diaper bag and one in the car, too.
3. A programmable coffee maker.
You know how nice it is to wake up after a long, exhausting baby-filled night to a fresh, hot cup of coffee made for you by a magical machine? It is beautiful. It’s like an imaginary monkey butler made it for you. It’s that special. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving.
4. D Batteries in bulk.
For the swing and the bouncy chair, because that was the only place my baby slept for about 6 months and if the batteries wore out, I would've been willing to do anything to get those batteries changed as fast as possible so the kid WOULD JUST SLEEP. When I discovered that I had no batteries at 3am, I would have gladly traded favors behind the bowling alley to get my hands on some Duracells."
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