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Leonardo DiCaprio's Greatest Great Gatsby Poster Yet Promotes Literacy AND Masturbation!

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Christmas came ten months early this year!

It's the only explanation for our outrageously great fortune!

Somehow, each delicious morsel from Baz Luhrmann's upcoming F. Scott Fitzgerald adaptation was simultaneously crammed into one glorious work of titillating art!

Ch-ch-check out Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Isla Fisher, and the artist formerly known as Spiderman in the latest poster for The Great Gatsby (above)!

We hear this pic will be the fresh new book cover for F. Scott's literary masterpiece, too!

What a brilliant idea!!

If Tobey Maguire & Leo's fabulous faces don't convince high school gurls to pick up a book, nothing will!

LOLz JK!!

See character posters for the May 10th movie HERE!

[Image via Village Roadshow Pictures.]

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Jennifer Lawrence Trips Flips Back To Brunette After Oscar Win! See Her Dark New Hairdo HERE!

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A lesser woman would've shirked away from the spotlight after tripping on stage in front of millions!

In fact, we were partially worried we wouldn't see Jennifer Lawrence again until next fall! LOLz, sorry! We had to!

J. Law, however, is not a lesser woman!

The Hunger Games starlet is

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Chace Crawford Gets Fifty Shades Of DISSED By Author E.L. James! He Will NOT Play Christian Grey!

chace crawford not christian grey dissed fifty shades of grey casting el james

Ugh! Say it ain't so!

Chace Crawford let the world know that he'd LOVE playing the divinely domineering Christian Grey in a seXXXy feature adaptation of best-seller 50 Shades of Grey!

Unfortunately, he's an ah-mazingly adorable actor and not a casting director.

According to someone close to the film, the Gossip Girl demi-God might as well audition for the role of Anastasia because there's NO WAY he's playing Christian!

E.L. James has a heavy hand in casting choices and we guess she isn't a fan, because the source admitted:

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Shailene Woodley Desperate For A Manly Love Interest At Sundance!

Oh gurrrl, we feel your pain!

Cameras caught up with Shailene Woodley in Park City and, after ranting about mind control, the lovely lady admitted she was downright DESPERATE for a dude who ain't dainty!

She isn't auditioning bad boys to join her in the bedroom — the young actress wants a masculine man to be cast alongside her in the upcoming adaptation of the dystopian Divergent!

Ch-ch-check out the sweet gal's sassy Sundance plea (above)!

When you find out where those macho men with vulnerable eyes are hiding, feel free to forward us their address, LOLz!!

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Movies From Books We Wish Had Stayed Books!

Filed under: Photos!

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Sometimes it's a good thing when your favorite book gets turned into a flick…..

And then there's these films….which should have stayed on paper!

CLICK HERE to check out the gallery "Movies From Books We Wish Had Stayed Books!!!"

CLICK HERE to check out the gallery "Movies From Books We Wish Had Stayed Books!!!"

CLICK HERE to check out the gallery "Movies From Books We Wish Had Stayed Books!!!"

CLICK HERE to check out the gallery "Movies From Books We Wish Had Stayed Books!!!"

CLICK HERE to check out the gallery "Movies From Books We Wish Had Stayed Books!!!"

CLICK HERE to check out the gallery "Movies From Books We Wish Had Stayed Books!!!"

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50 Shades Of Grey Porno Flick One Step Closer To Reality! E.L. James Picked A Screenwriter!

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E.L. James can sleep soundly tonight!! Or as soundly as one could ever sleep atop bricks of gold bars, LOLz!!

50 Shades of Grey found a screenwriter!! Her name is Kelly Marcel!

Is Kelly the mastermind behind 9 1/2 Weeks?? Does she have experience writing Penthouse Letters?

Nope!

She wrote the upcoming nuanced Disney flick Saving Mr. Banks, starring Tom Hanks, Colin Farrell, and Emma Thompson!

Whoa! Talk about putting lipstick on a pit bull!

That's like bringing French artist Edgar Degas to a dive bar and commissioning him to draw eXXXotic stick figures on the door of the bathroom stall!

Don't class up our favorite piece of smut-fiction too much, Mizz Marcel!! The people would storm the gates of your castle if you didn't give them copious amounts of ball-gags and anal beads!

Universal Pictures, E.L., and producer Mike De Luca picked her for a reason, though, and they aren't worried. Mike praised her in a recent statement:

“Kelly’s work demonstrates her flawless structural technique and passionate commitment to emotion, humor and depth of character.”

Speaking of taking Ana Steele deep, can we has cheezburger Matt Bomer as Christian Grey now??!!

[Image via Michael Carpenter/WENN.]

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Elijah Woods Plays Hockey, Reports Gossip, And Lactates Sweet Tittay Milk In His New Film!

Filed under: Film FlickersMedia MinuteElijah WoodBookz

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Life is so often stranger than fiction!

Ken Baker is a big-shot at E! News these days, but not that long ago he had serious health problems including lactating breasts, erectile dysfunction, and even a brain tumor, according to his 2001 autobiographical novel Man Made: A Memoir of My Body.

And now Elijah Wood will star in The Late Bloomers, a film adaptation directed by Randall Einhorn!

Ken is particularly excited to see his HIGHlariously heartwarming tale hit the big screen.

He said:

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