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Hold Onto Your Junk, Jesse! Kim Z Wants To Castrate You!

Filed under: Sandra BullockKim Zolciak

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Though she has never met Sandra Bullock, Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak is 100% on Team Sandra and has a recommendation to punish her cheating husband, Jesse James.

Kim expresses her high regard for Sandra, calling her an "angel" and undeserving of this kind of treatment. She then explains the unholy things Sandra should do to her ex, saying:

"She should cut his whole package off. Light it like a fire cracker and blow it off."

Castration?! Really?!

Can we get an AMEN to that?!

Aren't you glad you switch to ladies, Kim?

[Image via WENN.]

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Keep Dreaming Buttwipe!

Filed under: Love LineSandra Bullock

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Want to hear a funny joke?

Jesse James thinks Sandra Bullock will take him back!

Ha! Hysterical, right?!

This laughable idea comes from friends of the adulterating moron, who they claim has been trying to keep up some kind of normalcy for his children and is holding onto hope that he can repair his family. His pal suggests:

"He would certainly love for this somehow to go away and that somehow things can be rectified and put back together. The one thing that's most important to him in the whole wide world is that his family comes back together. He will do whatever that takes."

So you didn't appreciate what you had, cheated on this magnificent woman with a piece of gutter trash and now you think you'll just throw a band-aid on it and call it all better?

Hey, delusional dumb-fuck - That's not going to happen!

Your MAJOR loss will be some lucky, more deserving bastards significant gain. You'll just have to live with that!

[Image via WENN.]

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Jesse James' Ex-Wife Speaks!

Filed under: Love LineSandra Bullock

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Here we go!

We wondered when you would jump on this bandwagon. We're surprised it took you this long!

Janine Lindemulder, porn star and former wifey to Jesse James, has finally spoken out about her ex-husband's affair and Sandra Bullock's heartbreak.

Her opinion is as endearing as you would imagine it would be.

She tells In Touch that she has known Jesse to be a "chronic cheater" ever since they were together and calls Sandra "blind and gullible" for ever falling for him. She admits that she feels "sorry" for Sandra for getting caught up in the scandal and she recalls: "[Sandra] once said, ‘I finally have a man who has my back.’ And all I could think was, ‘No. You have this man who does it behind your back.’”

Ouch!

But as cruel as that sentiment might sound, Janine has one worse tidbit to share about Jesse and Sandra's relationship - she was one of the girls Jesse cheated with!

Janine said that the two had phone sex while Jesse was just dating Sandra and he once even propositioned Janine for a romp at the Choppers!

Disgusting! Vile! You two deserve each other!

Poor Sandra! It was flawed from the very beginning and she didn't even know it!

[Image via WENN.]

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Woman Wins $9 Million Lawsuit From Her Hubby's Mistress!

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Wow! The bitch meant business!

A woman in North Carolina successfully filed a lawsuit against her husband's mistress for having the affair and walked away with $9 million from the whore!

Insane! How is that even possible???

Well, there is an centuries-old law in seven states of the U.S. called the "alienation of affection" law. The ruling allows spouses to sue third parties that have interfered with the sanctity of their marriages. (Sorry Sandra and Elin - not available in California or Florida!)

So, Cynthia Shackelford dragged the whore to court to have her confess to screwing her husband. When the case was reviewed, the jury found the mistress guilty and rewarded Cynthia one hell of an amount in damages. In fact, it was the jury that came up with the $9 million!

Must have been a lot of scorned people in that courtroom!

Maybe now a tramp will think twice before boinking a married man, especially if you live in North Carolina!

[Image via WENN.]

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Letterman Extortionist To Plead Guilty Today

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Robert Halderman, the 48 Hours producer who attempted to extort $2 million from David Letterman, plans to plead guilty this afternoon in court.

He's expected to get six months in jail plus 1,000 hours of community service as well as 4 1/2 years probation. It's likely he'll only have to serve four months due to good behavior.

Halderman will speak during the plea hearing today admitting to purposely extorting Letterman, which eventually led to the late-night host admitting his adultery with female staffer Stephanie Birkitt on the air.

What a mess!

[Image via AP Images.]

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Cheryl Cole's Personal Drama Catches Up With Her Physically!

Filed under: TV NewsLove LineCheryl Cole

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Eek!

You're looking ROUGH, bb!!

That's what happens when you try to deny the devastating reality that your husband is an AWFUL, DISGUSTING excuse for a man named Ashley Cole and he is MANIPULATING his way back into your life!!

It takes its toll!!

Because we no longer think it's appropriate to refer to her by her husband's last name, Cheryl Tweedy was photographed looking like she was dragged underneath a garbage truck for three blocks yesterday as she left London for Copenhagen to make an appearance on the Danish edition of The X Factor.

She has reportedly agreed to meet Ashley in France, where he's in rehab for a sports-related injury, to try to work out their issues with a counselor. STOOPID.

We understand sometimes it's better to keep busy when you're going through a rough patch, bb, but you need to STOP, sit down ALONE, and really think about whether or not going back to your husband is worth the heartbreak and humiliation when he can't keep it in his pants again - AND HE WON'T.

How many times are you going to put yourself through this with him???

It's costing you your health at this point!!

[Image via XposurePhotos.com.]

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Someone Still Thinks Tiger Is Decent

Filed under: Tiger WoodsBusiness Blitz

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While so many companies have dropped Tiger Woods like he was hot and disease-ridden, two companies are braving the ridicule and standing by their horny man.

So far, Nike has made it clear that they will continue to have Tiger as one of their spokes-douches and now, Tag Heuer is saying the same. The CEO of Tag Heuer, Jean-Christophe Babin, has revealed that his company isn't looking to abandon Tiger anytime soon, though how much time he has left is debatable. He explained that Tiger's ads have been scaled back in "the countries where the issue is quite sensitive," including the United States.

We are such a modest nation.

However, there are other places in the world where Tiger is still quite revered, for his work on and off the green. Jean-Christophe explained that in China, Tiger is still very popular as "by tradition, yoursuccess is measured by your number of mistresses."

Well then, Tiger could be the new Emperor! Maybe that's where he should have gone for rehab!

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