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University Of Texas And North Dakota State University Evacuated After Bomb Threats

Filed under: Icky Icky PooLegal Matters

We have no word on whether or not these two incidents are linked or just pure coincidence, but both the University of Texas at Austin and North Dakota State University were evacuated this morning after receiving a bomb threat.

UT got a call around 8:35 a.m. from a man with a Middle Eastern accent claiming to be a rep from al-Qaeda and threatened that bombs on campus would explode in 90 minutes!

Campus officials took immediate action through every medium possible to make sure the students and staff were safe. A Twitter message read:

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Terrorist Planned To Blow Up Pentagon With Remote-Controlled Airplanes

Rezwan Ferdaus Pentagon Remote-Controlled Plane Terrorist

This sounds like a HIGHlarious Daily Show parody but it's NOT a joke!

Rezwan Ferdaus attempted to wage jihad against the U.S. government with an air fleet of remote-controlled airplanes!

The 26 year-old physics graduate from Northeastern University planned to fill these model planes with C-4 and fly them into the Pentagon.

What the…?

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What?! Are Kanye West And Kim Kardashian AK-47-Toting Members Of Al Qaeda?!

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According to some cray cray new lawsuit … indeed they are!

What on EARTH?!

Given the current - and serious - legal drama they're in due to her divorce from Kris Humphries, this kind of CRAZINESS must be welcomed for laughs alone!

Apparently, Kim Kardashian and her man, Kanye West, are being sued by none other than Jonathan Lee Riches, the Guiness World Record holder for "The World's Most Litigious Man," as he's filed over 5,000 suits in the past eight years!

And what exactly have the new couple done to warrant such an honor?

Why, they've been sneaking around the hills of West Virginia with members of Al-Qaeda!

Yes - seriously. That's what they're being sued for. Try to control your giggling. This man is trying to be serious.

According to the legal documents:

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Al-Qaeda Confirms Osama Bin Laden's Death, Vows To Seek Revenge

Filed under: Icky Icky PooPolitik

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This morning, al-Qaida took to militant websites to confirm to their followers that Osama Bin Laden is dead and in fact died at the hands of courageous Americans on Sunday.

Well, courageous to us. As you can imagine, they don't think too highly of us right now.

The statement released by Osama's duputies wished their "holy" leader be blessed by God and vowed retaliation on America for his death. Their statement reads:

"The blood of the holy warrior sheik, Osama bin Laden, God bless him, is too precious to us and to all Muslims to go in vain. We will remain, God willing, a curse chasing the Americans and their agents, following them outside and inside their countries.

Soon, God willing, their happiness will turn to sadness, their blood will be mingled with their tears."

Uh-huh. That's what you think. In the words of Hillary Clinton, "You cannot defeat us." We're already putting the kibosh on one of your attacks right now!

Turns out, shortly after the al-Qaida released their confirmation, materials obtained by the Navy SEALs who killed the al-Qaida leader revealed that the terrorists were planning on derailing an American train on the upcoming 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. One idea outlined in handwritten notes, presumed to be from February 2010, was to "tamper with an unspecified U.S. rail track so that a train would fall off the track at a valley or a bridge."

Consider that plan DONEZO!

This is the beginning of the end. Consider your days numbered!!!

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Your Daily Douchebag: Bill O'Reilly Edition

Do we honestly expect anything less from him??

Check out this lovely clip (above) of Bill O'Reilly discussing the gay-friendly McDonald's commercial currently airing in France - after assuring his viewers that nothing like that will ever air in the USA, he draws a comparison between being gay and being a member of Al Qaeda!

Absolutely deplorable.

Thoughts??

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