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Pornhub Unveils The Wankband! Wearable Tech Allows You To Charge Your Phone By Jerking Off!

Filed under: Tech TalkBusiness BlitzSexFunnyGIFs

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The year is 2015 and fitness trackers are all the rage.

Technology has become advanced and small enough that it can track our every movement and turn it into piles of useful data.

Now, Pornhub has taken things a step further and created a device that turns our movements into energy!!

What kind of movements, you ask? Well, what kind of movement is Pornhub most likely concerned with??

JERKING OFF!!!

Yup, they've got a new piece of wearable tech that allows you to charge your other tech just by

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Pat Bertoletti Beats Molly Schuyler (The 72-Ounce Steak Eater) To Win Wing Bowl 23!!

Filed under: FoodCrazzzzyFood Porn

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Pat Bertoletti is king of the wings!!

Wing Bowl 23 is over and a new record has been set!!

Bertoletti took the big win after eating a new record of 444 wings!! That's insane.

It was a huge upset for Molly Schuyler, who you may remember as the woman who ate two 72-ounce steaks in under 15 minutes!

She was also last year's winner and near the end of this year's competition she was actually in the lead!

[ Related: Joey Chestnut Eats 10 POUNDS Of Turkey In Ten Minutes?! ]

But Bertoletti pulled ahead in the end, beating Schuyler's wing count of 440 by 4 to take the win. The craziest part is the next closest runner-up only ate 289 wings total! That's nuts!

We guess that's why they're called "professional" eaters.

Sorry, Schuyler! Congrats, Bertoletti!! We don't envy your indigestion.

[Image via Twitter.]

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War Machine Quoted Nietzsche & Asked Ex Christy Mack To Forgive Him In His Suicide Note

Filed under: Legal MattersSad SadMMA

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Someone needs to get this guy some help.

MMA fighter War Machine savagely beat up his girlfriend Christy Mack a few months ago, after he allegedly came to her house and found her with another man.

[ Related: War Machine Believes If He Were In Texas He Could've Shot Christy Mack!! ]

He was arrested, and last week, tried to kill himself. While in his cell, War Machine wrote a suicide note, much of which was directed to Christy.

Parts of it read:

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The NFL Received The Brutal Ray Rice Video Months Ago! Didn't They Say They Never Saw & Didn't Have It?? Oh Boy…

Filed under: ZportzLegal MattersFootballCrazzzzy

roger goodell mightve seen vid a while back oh no

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has been catching some serious flak lately, and we're starting to think it's WELL DESERVED.

After only suspending Ray Rice for two games for the brutal beating of his wife, which was a fact regardless of seeing the whole video of it, he caved under public pressure and suspended him indefinitely from the NFL after the whole tape was released.

Then, Goodell came under fire because of his apparent willingness to easily take Ray Rice back.

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The ​Fox & Friends Hosts Joked About Pro Footballer Ray Rice Hitting His Wife. Seriously.

Filed under: RihannaZportzSad SadSnoopViolenceInstagram

Umm, didn't we all learn that abuse is something that isn't funny? It's one of the least funny things on the planet.

Apparently these Fox & Friends hosts didn't learn the same things that every other human has!

The trio was discussing the tape of Ray Rice knocking out his then-fiancée on an elevator, and for some reason they thought it would be a good time to make a joke. But not before they shamed Janay Rice and Rihanna for going back to their attackers, sending a bad message to women who are also victims of abuse.

Are you f***ing kidding us??

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Three Teens Ruthlessly Beat & Kill Two Homeless Men… Then Admit To Beating At Least 50 Others

Filed under: Legal MattersSad Sad

Just when we think people can’t get any worse, we hear about this.

Three teens in Albuquerque have been arrested after they beat up and killed two homeless men, and these weren’t even their first victims.

Alex Rios, 18, Nathaniel Carrillo, 16, and Gilbert Tafoya, 15, admitted to beating over 50 homeless people previously, and some of their victims are

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Chris Brown's Beatdown Victim's Pain Realized! See The Horribly Bloody Photos That Have Just Been Released!

Filed under: Legal MattersChris BrownViolence

chris brown victim photo released bloody gross

HOLY SHIZ! This is SERIOUS!

As you may know, Chris Brown is currently in jail waiting for his trial to begin.

Ya know, the one where he is accused of breaking his probation by being involved in the vicious beating of Parker Adams in Washington D.C.

They've pushed the trial back because his bodyguard, Christopher Hollosy, has officially been convicted of assault and Breezy's people want time to appeal the courts decision!

However, now that the pictures of the victim from that night have FINALLY been released, we don't think the appeal will go too well at all!

The victim is CLEARLY bloodied and beaten from their encounter!

Pretty strong evidence, eh?

We'll have to wait and see what happens, but we all know that this isn't the FIRST time Breezy has been involved in a vicious attack like this.

In fact, his first beatdown, the one where he beat up his girlfriend, Rihanna, way back in the day, is the REASON for this new trial, because if it's determined he was involved in the fight, then he violated his probation!

Yikes!

We just hope that justice is served to those responsible and that the vicious attacks that seem to surround Chris are put to an end.

[Image via U.S. Attorney's Office for the District Of Columbia/WENN.]

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