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Lindsay Cries Wolf Victim!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanLegal MattersSad Sad

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And now, Lindsay Lohan's side of the story.

By now, you've already read the incident report, filed by Dawn Holland, who insists that after a night of drinking, a belligerent and violent LiLo attacked her at the Betty Ford Clinic with such force, that she sprained the woman's wrist. Till now, its been her word against suspicions and assumptions, but sources are revealing Lindsay's side of things according to what she's been telling her friends.

According to sources, Lindsay is downright refuting every word that Dawn is spewing about what went on the other night. For starters, LiLo insists that she was not out drinking with her roommates as she was so accused of. She maintains that she was out getting her hair done while they were out carousing.

She must have managed to return around the same time though, because LiLo claims that when she returned to the house, the staffer grabbed her abruptly and pushed her! In fact, Lindsay claims she was shoved so hard, she began to cry.

But then, she adds onto her story that it was actually Dawn who refused to give Lindsay the breathalyzer test, not the other way around.

So basically, according to Lindsay, she's a good little girl with a new weave a top her head, who is being sabotaged by a woman, who also gets physically aggressive for no apparent reason.

Any of U buying this? Well, maybe this will help you…

According to Lindsay, her reps and lawyers will be requesting the tapes from the surveillance cameras to prove her story.

Ah! That could really help! We'd also like to see a receipt from the hair salon and talk to these supposed drunken roommates to get their side of the story. Once we get all the pieces to this puzzle, maybe then we can find it easier to trust Lindsay isn't yanking everyone's chain.

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

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Katie Waissel's Mom Complains That X Factor Contestant Mary Byrne Is Getting Unfair Promotion!

We think this woman needs to calm down!

X Factor contestant Katie Waissel's mother, Diana, is reportedly furious that finalist, Mary Byrne, is getting plugged unfairly because of her employment at Tesco supermarket, which has promotional deals already in place with the reality competition!

According to reports, the supermarket chain sent e-mails out to its 300,000 employees to vote for Byrne, which Waissel thinks is unfair!

She explains:

‘It’s not fair – 300,000 is a lot of supporters. If it goes by that, it means Mary’s going to win.’

Oh, boo-hoo! It's not like the employees are being FORCED to vote!

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for Tesco counters:

‘She has reached The X Factor finals on her talent alone. Any suggestions that the references have anything to do with a supply deal for the X Magazine are absolutely untrue.’

Exactly! We think it's lovely that Tesco is being so supportive of Mary!

And we sincerely hope that some people choose to focus on the COMPETITION and their performances, instead of getting wrapped up focusing on potential disadvantages and whining to the press about it!

What do U think?? Does Mary have an unfair advantage??

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Marilyn Manson And Evan Rachel Whore Split AGAIN!

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Shocking! We would have never expected these two to call it quits AGAIN!

Bwa ha ha!

Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Whore's beautiful love has died for a second time! According to sources, the couple broke off their engagement last week!

Manson was reportedly spotted hitting the clubs hard over the weekend with various gutter pigs.

An insider claims:

"They just broke off their engagement, and he needed a night out with friends."

Too bad, so sad! LOLs!

Hopefully these two will end it for good this time! We were getting tired of their bullshit back and forth!

And we're even starting to tolerate the Whore as Vampire Queen Sophie-Anne on True Blood!

See? It's better this way!

LOLs!

Thoughts?

[Image via WENN.]

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Alexis Neiers Repents!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooLegal MattersZ List

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Do you know what we think whenever that dumbass Alexis Neiers opens her trap and spouts out a bunch of bullshit?

Bitch, PLEASE.

Now that the Pretty Wild twit has served her time for her involvement in the string of celebrity robberies known as the Bling Ring, she's STILL maintaining that she was innocent all along and whining about being behind bars!

She explains:

"When I first went to jail, I was like, 'I'm innocent! Why the heck am I here?' And the first time that cell door closed and I sat down on my bed with just a sheet and I had nothing but the bare essentials, I really started to focus. I know that the situation I was put in was only because of my choices. It's not Nick’s fault. It's not the detective's fault. It's my fault. There's nothing I can do now except show people [that I've changed]. I'm not going to tell people that I'm going to do things differently. Actions speak louder than words.”

It sounds like prison has made her QUITE the humanitarian. And deep thinker!

LOLs. BARF.

We'll see how long this 'all new' Alexis Neiers lasts.

What do U think?? When will she be up to her old tricks again??

[Image via WENN.]

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Again! Bristol Palin Announces Split With Levi!

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It's official!

Levi Johnston has been kicked to the curb AGAIN by the Palins!

After allegedly impregnating ANOTHER Alaskan teen, Bristol Palin tearfully announced that her baby daddy is once again out of her life.

She reveals:

"It's over. I broke up with him. There's been no remorse. The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He's just obsessed with the limelight and I got played. Through this whole experience I know I need a man who's going to be completely honest with me and someone who loves me and Tripp and wants to be with him all the time. I also want someone who has religious beliefs and a good family."

That's right, gurl! You need someone who's going to famewhore with you - but on YOUR terms.

Bwa ha ha!

Speaking of famewhoring, Sexy Sarah, who is totally LOVING this mess, chimed in:

"I wish for Bristol to be able to move forward in life with her same forgiving, gracious, optimistic spirit, but from henceforth she'll know to trust but verify. Bristol is strong, she is independent, and she knows what is right for her bank account son."

Such heartbreak and anguish! Boo-hoo!

We knew Bristol had to be dumb - she let that douchebag stick it in her without a condom, after all - but we didn't think she'd be STOOPID enough to take him back after everything!

But hey! Maybe third time will be a charm and they'll reconcile again, right?!

They certainly deserve each other!

[Image via AP Images.]

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Boo-Hoo! Lindsay Afraid To Be Alone In The Slammer!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanLegal Matters

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We think it will do her some GOOD to be alone, without people to coddle and yes the shit out of her!

Sources close to Lindsanity LOLhan are reportedly deeply concerned about the hard-pAArtying wacktress' upcoming prison sentence, because she's allegedly claustrophobic and can never be alone!

It's apparently so bad that Lindsay had a friend fly with her home from France just so she didn't have to do it alone!

Wah wah wah!

Time for baby Lindsay to put on her big girl shoes and toughen up!

We don't think prisons make special accommodations for meth-faced cry babies!

[Image via AP Images.]

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Boo-effing-Hoo! Lindsay's Lawyer Releases Official Statement - Trial "Unfair!"

Filed under: Lindsay LohanLegal Matters

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Oh, boo-hoo!

Lindsay Lohan's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, is still whining about the alleged 'unfair' treatment her client received from the amazing Judge Marsha Revel, and has released the following statement:

“Ms. Lohan and I are extremely disappointed in the sentence handed down by Judge Revel. We believe that the penalty is far harsher than what others would have received under similar circumstances. The reality is that Ms. Lohan, like most defendants, had to balance work commitments with court requirements. To be punished so severely for doing so, particularly in light of the fact that she substantially complied with each of her probationary conditions, is harsh and unfair. That said, Ms. Lohan is prepared to serve her jail time and to comply with the Court's orders.”

“With respect to Ms. Lohan's nails, the fact is, the words could barely be seen by the naked eye. That a courtroom camera, purportedly there to accurately chronicle the proceedings, would use a telephoto lens to zoom in as it did to Ms. Lohan's fingernail is a commentary on the entire issue.”

Far harsher than others would have received? How about she's lucky that she's gone this long without her ass being thrown in jail?

Someone just can't handle not getting their way for the first time ever! THIS is what happens when you always "yes" someone and they never have any consequences for their actions!

So in conclusion, Shawn Chapman Holley, shut the fuck up and go enAAble some other trainwreck celebrity!

[Image via AP Images.]

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