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Girther Movement Thinks Donald Trump Is Lying About His Height & Weight — So He Won't Be Considered 'Obese'!

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Years after he claimed Barack Obama was lying about his U.S. citizenship, Donald Trump is now the subject of a conspiracy similar to the #Birther movement.

But instead of his birthplace, 45 is now being accused of lying about something much more fitting: his waistline!

The results of Trump's recent physical examination were published this week, and many critics noticed a few red flags. Specifically, his listed height and weight.

According to the official White House report, President Truffle stands at 75 inches (6'3) and weighs a tight 239 lbs.

Related: Trump's Alleged Yearlong Affair With Porn Star!

Funny, right? The internet agreed… and so began the #Girther movement.

Supporters of the movement called B.S. on the medical report, postulating that Trump — whose diet supposedly consists of KFC, McDonald's, and chocolate cake — is both shorter and heavier than the exam suggests. They even provided photographic evidence comparing him to people who are actually 6'3.

Others noted that Dr. Ronny Jackson's measurements put Trump's BMI at 29.9 — just under being considered obese. Can Dr. Ronny do our next physical too, plz?

See what believers of the #girther movement are saying (below).

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Steven Seagal Says 40% Of Sexual Misconduct Claims Are Part Of A Worldwide Conspiracy Of Lies

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In case you hadn't heard, Steven Seagal doesn't just look like the type of villain he might have fought in his '90s action films — he really is one.

After numerous sexual harassment claims, the Under Siege star was accused of rape by a Native American woman who was an 18-year-old extra on 1994's On Deadly Ground.

Now Seagal is defending himself against the allegations, and it's somewhat less effective than his aikido skills.

Related: In Sexist Interview Seagal Called Female Reporters 'Fucking Dirty Whores'

It doesn't help that the recent Russian citizen decided to paint the accusers as part of a major conspiracy — to InfoWars host and Sandy Hook denier Alex Jones!

In a new interview, Seagal claimed the women "lied and been paid to lie about me without any evidence, any proof, any witnesses."

But he wasn't just defending himself. He says "40 percent" of the #MeToo claims out there "are false":

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Ellen DeGeneres Flawlessly Responds To Eric Trump Suggesting She's Part Of The Deep State Conspiracy!

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Ellen DeGeneres is deeply sorry to disappoint you, Eric Trump.

The daytime host responded to the first son's pustulation that she is part of the Deep State conspiracy, simply because Twitter suggested he follow her account.

On Thursday's taping, Ellen admitted to being flattered by the notion of her being influential enough to be involved with a shadowy entity that conspiracy theorists believe secretly controls the elected government.

Video: Khloé Kardashian Talks Pregnancy On Ellen!

The only thing is, there's no WAY Ellen has the time for a commitment like that — she's too busy with her Gay Agenda meetings (is it our turn to host this week?) and Illuminati brunches with Beyoncé. Busy lady!

Watch the video (below) to hear Ellen throw out a few logical explanations as to why Twitter would suggest Eric follow her account.

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Eric Trump Thinks Ellen DeGeneres Is Part Of The 'Deep State' Conspiracy & Twitter Responds Appropriately

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Twitter is making Eric Trump suspicious, you guys.

Donald Trump's special boy took to the social media site to point out the red flags he saw in his "Who to follow" suggestions, which were apparently much less Breitbart-y than he was used to.

In the first son's latest suggestions round-up on Tuesday, it was advised he follow the accounts of Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Ellen DeGeneres.

Related: Bill O'Reilly Cites Conspiracy As The Reason He No Longer Fits In An XL

Eric was understandably shocked to see these accounts being suggested to him, we guess since none are white nationalists or elephant poachers. There was only one logical explanation: all three — including the Ellen host — are part of the "Deep State"!

He tweeted:

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Day 24 Of The Kardashian Christmas Card Is Here But Kylie Jenner Is Still NOWHERE To Be Found

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Well here's where we're at!!

Christmas is nearly here, which means so is the Kardashian's highly-anticipated Christmas card!

On Sunday, day 24 was revealed, and we're hoping day 25 will bring us the final shot or even one fully composed picture…. with Kylie Jenner in it and, perhaps, pregnant???

Just sayin'. We still can't really tell at this point.

Video: is Khloé Revealing Her Pregnancy On KUWTK?

Anyway, check out their latest shot, which was posted about an hour ago by Kim Kardashian West (below):

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Day 23 Of The Kardashian Christmas Card Teaser Is Here — And There's A Conspiracy Theory Growing…

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Can you believe it's almost Christmas??

Whether you've been keeping track yourself or using the Kardashians' holiday card teasers, it's truly exciting to be just a couple days out!

And on Saturday, fans got to see day 23 of the family's sneak peeks thanks to Kim Kardashian West!

Related: This Is How Kim's Grandma Feels About Her Naked Photoshoots

See the pic in all its glory (below):

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The Conspiracy Theories Are True! Apple's Software Updates Really ARE Slowing Down Your iPhone!

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Apple finally admitted that it uses software updates to slow down the operation of older iPhones, confirming the suspicion of every iPhone user ever.

The company responded to the growing horde of frustrated owners who say they notice a slower performance after upgrading their phones' software. The difference was discussed in a Reddit post then highlighted in a Geekbench blog post, putting Apple in the awkward situation of clearing the iCloud.

Related: Facebook Announces Pilot Program To Block Revenge Porn

In a statement on Thursday, Apple confirmed it has used iOS updates to throttle the CPU speed on older phones — but only so owners can get "the best experience"!

Apple explained that the performance of the phone's lithium-ion batteries can degrade over time, which is why phones suddenly shut down as a way to protect its components.

Slowing down the processors, the company claims, makes it easier for these seasoned batteries to perform. They explained:

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