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David Schwimmer Helps Cops Catch The Pimp Who Stabbed A John For Stiffing A Transvestite Hooker!! (You Can't Make This Stuff Up!!)

david schwimmer prostitute stabbing east village crime fighter video surveillance footage friends

Hope you don't have any serious food allergies ’cause this story is NUTS!

There was a stabbing in New York on Monday which is sad, to be sure, but not entirely out of the ordinary in a metropolis with over eight million peeps. What sets this apart from countless other big city crimes that undoubtedly occurred over the long weekend is how one of our favorite Friends star, Dr. Ross Geller, was involved!

See, the violent incident took place in front of David Schwimmer's East Village town home and footage from the actor's surveillance cameras might bust the case wide-freakin'-open.

TV paleontologist by day, crime fighter by night? That's AH-Mazing!!! It should be it's own network drama!!!

Law & Order: Special Friends Unit, CSI: Central Perk, Miami Nice Guy Who Finishes Last, Starsky & Bo Bo the Sperm Guy, NCIS: WE WERE ON A BREAK, Dinosaur Street Blues — there are literally too many pun permutations here. Our brains are about to explode.

What's even more AMAZEBALLZ, however, are the particulars of this nasty incident…

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Katy Perry Raps As A Crime-Fighting Cat Lady In NEW Popchips Short! Watch HERE!

Filed under: Katy Perry

Katy Perry is our hero!!

Teaming up with Popchips, the singer is helping promote the brand’s low calorie snack in their latest feline-themed ad campaign!

Ch-ch-check out the newly released video (above) and see Katy, complete in a latex purple bodysuit, take on the evil villain, Fat Cat!

What’s more, you'll get to see the star rap!!

We repeat. Katy. Perry. RAPS.

It’s AH-MAZING!!! This is totes better than Ashton Kutcher’s Karl Lagerfeld-inspired video!

And it isn't offensive — well, we hope not, anyway!

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Little Boy Sneaks Out At Night To Fight Crime!

While we know the young boy had good intentions, someone needs to tell this tyke that life is not a comic book! Mom? Dad? Anyone?!

Lilam Baird snuck out of his home in the dead of night, dressed in all black. Armed with his Nerf guns, the young man took to the streets of Oregon, looking for ne'er-do-wells and evildoers!

Luckily, young Lilam didn't run into any baddies before a police officer found him and took him home.

Check out the video (above) to hear about the junior Batman!

Leave it to the professionals, buddy. At least now. Kudos for your courage and bravery, though! We can't wait to see what you do when you're all grown up!

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